Children play

[Achebe]

Children play
in the slanting light
of wish fulfilment dreams.
Perhaps going away
into the night
is not what it seems.

[ellajam]

I like the contrast of the clear opening image vs the misty second half. In L3 "dreaming" might say the same thing as the full line as they are awake, so dream can equal wish.

Children play
in the slanting light
of wish fulfilment dreams.
Perhaps going away
into the night
is not what it seems.

[Lizzie]

Children play
in the slanting light
of wish fulfilment dreams. -- fulfillment
Perhaps going away -- maybe something stronger than 'going away'?
into the night
is not what it seems.

I like that this one is rich with possible meaning. For lack of something less cliche, it's "deep."

[Achebe]

Thank you, ella, lizziep (damn that second 'l'...)
I had intended a specific meaning for S2 when I wrote it, but now see that it's more open ended than I'd imagined. Not a bad thing as such, so I'll let it be.

[Todd]

L3 might be stronger if it was phrased in childrens' words or illustrated with imagery. It's a bit too clinical for my tastes.

[RiverNotch]

Children play
in the slanting light
of wish fulfilment dreams. for me, it's not that this line is too clinical (although come to think of it...), but that "wish-fulfillment dreams" becomes redundant when the subtler meaning of dream is considered here, which for this piece is a meaning i take to be quite useful.
Perhaps going away
into the night
is not what it seems. but the rest is gorgeous!

[Achebe]

Thanks, Todd, RN. I had a slightly different meaning in mind, which I can see is not coming across clearly enough (specifically, the reason for 'wish fulfilment'). This is useful feedback.