Between You and I

[Tiger the Lion]

Between You and I


the canyon is grand.


Let's hush
and not look up.

[just mercedes]

Between You and I


the canyon is grand.


Let's hush
and not look up.

I really like this. Your punctuation could be trimmed but the response to raw nature is very human.

[RiverNotch]

agreed, and i would prefer more cleanness with the capitalization by removing all capitalization

[burrealist]

Between You and I


the canyon is grand.


Let's hush
and not look up.

Okay, everyone got you on punctuation. Also, the title: "You and I" is correct if you eliminate "you and" and can read the sentence out loud sensibly. "Between I" becomes "Between Me", so technically, "Between Me and You" is correct. But if the phrasing you chose is a part of your poetic, so be it, I'm a bigot.

Space between lines can mesmerize the readers, or confuse them. I use space frequently, but am also critiqued heavily for the spacing I choose. The space between line 1 and the final two drags the poem onward, like a still-shot of the Grand Canyon and spectators in awe.

On the other hand, it separates the two of you from the Grand Canyon. In this poem, I'm lead to believe you're living in the moment, but the way it's structured can suggest you're living away from the moment. Which feeling do you want to invoke?

The final line is very open. It means so many things, and also sounds romantic. The written aspects of this poem are great. It's clear and simple what you are feeling.

So structure will intensify this piece greatly with just a few tweaks. You have all the time you need to meditate over it.