A Short Poem Written Outside During a Storm That Took Place Shortly After a Death

[rowens]

There's something more in the weather / when the woman you love dies, / her perfume may not be on the wind, / but her mind is in the clouds / and her piss is in the rain.

[just mercedes]

I really like the way you have found, to bring the truth of body functions into the truth of death. For me this is what happens - the particular becomes once more part of the universal. That sounds clumsy, but you have made it poetical.

[Lizzie]

It's beautiful, Ro.

[Radetof.Yahska]

This is a punch to the head, a good one. Thanks.

[rowens]

I'm like Fiona Apple, I can only write something good when something horrible has happened to me. Which reminds me, I'd really like to fuck Fiona Apple. So if anyone here on the world wide web knows her number, or if you're reading this, Fiona: If you want to write something else good, get in touch with me.

[RiverNotch]

There's something more in the weather / when the woman you love dies, / her perfume may not be on the wind, / but her mind is in the clouds / and her piss is in the rain.

the comma between "lines" two and three feels confused: on the one hand, it advocates separation of the two, on the other hand it forces the reader to read the two as part of a whole. and since the entire poem is a run-on sentence, this forces the reader to choose between one of two breaks: the first one splits the first "line" from the rest, the second one splits the first two and the last four from each other. 
as such, there is developed a double-meaning: on the one hand, it could be a wholehearted rejection of the romantic as a mode of thinking, as proposed by the first division method, and on the other, it could be more specific to the death of "the woman you love". i think the rest of the poem better supports this second meaning, since the next lines, at least for me, deal rather specifically with death, or the obliteration of identity associated with it. "her mind is in the clouds" is very, very close to the idiom "head [is] in the clouds", only using a slightly more visceral, or perhaps more essential, term; either way, it speaks of her not just as having gone to heaven but, more importantly, of her being all distracted by fantasy. whereas "piss in the rain", although understood on my first reading as being in direct support of this obliteration of romance, eventually read for me as something more sexual, especially because it was so separated from "her perfume may not be on the wind", such that the obliteration of romance corresponds to the obliteration of the woman's identity in death, or rather of the woman's identity because of romance.
thus, my suggestion: perhaps clarify the punctuation, divide the poem into its two constituent sentences. since both meanings are very close to each other, i find that eliminating one enhances the other. of course, whether or not this is followed, i think this is a wonderful piece. thanks for the read.

[ellajam]

I like the truth of this, how the loss of someone I love surrounds me as physically as the weather., how that feeling is real as piss.

[Jana]

Nice description of the experience. Following death, they're still with us in essence for some time and that comes through clearly as written. For us left behind, as we struggle to let them go, we imagine them becoming one with nature, return to the earth, the elements, or ethereal realm, and you've done a great job evoking that imagery pairing the more abstract term mind with clouds and concrete piss with rain.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[LunaDeLore]

There's something more in the weather / when the woman you love dies, / her perfume may not be on the wind, / but her mind is in the clouds / and her piss is in the rain.

rowens,

This work comes together nicely and I especially like how the last line illustrates the harsh reality of losing a love one.

Good work.

Luna

[homer1950]

There's something more in the weather / when the woman you love dies, / her perfume may not be on the wind, / but her mind is in the clouds / and her piss is in the rain.

Hi Rowens,
 
I am not quite sure what to make of this? Is it a whimsical piece with dark overtones, or a serious poem to evoke thought?
Either way it flows nicely, I personally think it is a bit off putting almost a nonchalant approach to a delicate situation. 
 
Here are some thoughts.
 
There's Is there something more in the weather / when the woman you have loved love dies, / her perfume may not be no longer on the wind, / but her mind is now in the clouds / with and her piss is in the rain.