what i need
#1
but this is what i need, or Visions of Alexandra


at the reception
   of the petrified forest,      bamboo
                                     in a pot
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#2
(05-28-2017, 10:11 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  but this is what i need, or Visions of Alexandra


at the reception
   of the petrified forest,      bamboo
                                     in a pot

RiverNotch,

I read this poem an loved it even if "bamboo in a pot" could be considered cryptic or disconnected. It works well for me and gives the ending a nice Haiku feel.

Keep writing.

Luna
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....

(Chris Martin)
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#3
Hey River. I agree this is a little cryptic, but I like that.

(05-28-2017, 10:11 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  but this is what i need, or Visions of Alexandra Is this the title or the first line? For me, two completely different readings depend on this distinction.


at the reception
   of the petrified forest,      bamboo I'm not really getting anything from the spacing that the words don't already say. Not sure if you need the added dressing.
                                     in a pot
Enjoyed this one, thanks River.
Paul
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#4
[video=youtube]http:/https://youtu.be/auqyZ2JX7Bs/[/video] I'm probably way off base here, but 'Visions of Alexandra' reminded me of Cavafy and his love affair with Alexandria, which brought me to Leonard Cohen's 'Alexandra leaving' and it was a great trip, thank you.

I really like the tension between petrified forest, and bamboo in a pot.
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#5
thanks.
@jm: the video doesn't work. on the other hand, i have a copy of all his albums, though i think this is from one i've yet to listen to.
@tiger: the spacing was meant to follow haiku convention, at least to the extent that i know it. the comma i found too weak, yet anything else but a space would have been too intrusive. at any rate, if it proves obtrusive, i can just align them back.
@ldl: (it's 17 syllables)

again, thanks.
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