wheels turn

[ellajam]

dad spinning Dorsey
old-fashioned
radio plays Jumping Jack Flash

[just mercedes]

I like the circularity suggested here! Also wonder if you really need 'radio plays'?

[ellajam]

That's a thought.

dad spinning Dorsey
old-fashioned
Jumping Jack Flash

It's hard for me to tell if that works because I know what I mean.

dad spinning Dorsey
old-fashioned
Jumping Jack Flash today.

[Tiger the Lion]

dad spinning Dorsey
old-fashioned
radio plays Jumping Jack Flash

I think I see it as you intended, Ella. But I'm tripping on the line break at L2. I can't help but read "old-fashioned-radio"
Paul

[ellajam]

dad spinning Dorsey
old-fashioned
radio plays Jumping Jack Flash

I think I see it as you intended, Ella. But I'm tripping on the line break at L2. I can't help but read "old-fashioned-radio"
Paul

True.
Maybe

Jumping Jack Flash
old-fashioned
dad spinning Dorsey.

or

Radio plays Jumping Jack Flash
old-fashioned
as Dad spinning Dorsey

or maybe a starter for something longer, I guess I should have let it cook a little longer before posting, thanks for reading and commenting.