Pornography - Edit

[dukealien]

Pornography


With but one voice, one mouth
you cannot sing a harmony
but you can think it as you sing.

With but one voice, one mouth
you cannot sing a harmony
but you can think it as you sing
unaccompanied.

[dukealien]

This short poem says it but not in an obvious manner. The end may give some readers a bit of a problem, but a second or third reading clarifies the situation depicted here.

Not much for a huge commentary in this. The diction presents no touch moments for all the words are simple, and to go on and on on the theme of the poem would be overdoing it a bit.

Thanks and take care!

PS

Keep on writing!

Had thoughts about leaving off that last line/word, but was not confident the idea would get across without it.  Maybe better without, though:  if explanation in crit is bad, how much worse explanation in the work itself? 

[ellajam]

This short poem says it but not in an obvious manner. The end may give some readers a bit of a problem, but a second or third reading clarifies the situation depicted here.

Not much for a huge commentary in this. The diction presents no touch moments for all the words are simple, and to go on and on on the theme of the poem would be overdoing it a bit.

Thanks and take care!

PS

Keep on writing!

Had thoughts about leaving off that last line/word, but was not confident the idea would get across without it.  Maybe better without, though:  if explanation in crit is bad, how much worse explanation in the work itself? 

Yes, I think you could drop the last line.

[Keith]

Hi Dukealien
very much enjoyed this short, its straight and to the point without being blunt or obvious, at first read i thought,you should own the porn and write in the first person but its softer when you bring in the reader, the last line feel redundant because the reader has already got the point and this only reinforces it. Nice job, Keith

[dukealien]

Edit;

Pornography


With but one voice, one mouth
you cannot sing a harmony
but you can think it as you sing.

---

Since the voting is one "Oh, okay" and two thumbs-down (plus own second thoughts), the last line goes.  Thanks, all; better for it!

[RiverNotch]

Edit;

Pornography


With but one voice, one mouth
you cannot sing a harmony
but you can think it as you sing.

---

Since the voting is one "Oh, okay" and two thumbs-down (plus own second thoughts), the last line goes.  Thanks, all; better for it!

kinda pointless at this point, but agreed. the joke is, of course, that females have two.

[QDeathstar]

I knew someone once who could sing a harmony with his mouth. Made me kind of jealous. I think you you should get this tattooed on the small of your back.

[dukealien]

I knew someone once who could sing a harmony with his mouth. Made me kind of jealous. I think you you should get this tattooed on the small of your back.

Ah, would that there were anything small about my back any more!