Bath Salts

[Wjames]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs
and he opened his cheek.

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck.

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash.

[dukealien]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs  a quack is a fake doctor - bath salts are fake drugs?  Crumbly crystals?
and he opened his cheek.  rhyme seems forced, to avoid repeating "beak." 

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.  this stanza is particularly delightful.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck.  seems forced distant rhyme with "duck" - perhaps "were fish now and then?"  Or maybe eels?  However, this line is really the climax of the poem and curtailing it has a nice aborted finality.

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash.

I'm probably missing most of the references here (for example, "bath salts" seems to be a term for meth-like recreational drugs sold supposedly for that use).

Very enjoyable, with the few (what seemed to me) minor infelicities noted above.  Quite fun.

[alonso ramoran]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs
and he opened his cheek.

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck.

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash. Isn't confit a sort of meal prepped with duck? Seems redundant coming after the word "duck". Maybe try finding a word to replace confit (keep duck in this line, I'm enjoying it's final repetition in the poem as a meal) while keeping to the metrics of it.

I like how quirky this poem is! Now that I look at the title and consider the quirkiness of the subject matter, I can't help but think: Was the narrator tripping off bath salts? My critiques are actually scarce with this, though my only nitpick is listed above.

[Achebe]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen......I read it as 'pen was swollen'. There are a few phallic references through the poem - "cock"sure, tool, the "pen" that you grope for. Not to mention that a duck stealing a pen from your bathroom or anywhere in your house is not easy to visualise, so the double entendre suggests itself strongly. 
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs
and he opened his cheek.

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck. ...oddly enough, I find 'fish guck' a satisfying rhyme to 'duck'

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash. ...the ending should be wittier 

[Wjames]

Thanks for your thoughts guys, this is just a silly thing, I could have posted it in fun but I think it could be better.

I agree that the ending is weak, I like the double draw a bath thing though, and that rhyme restricts my options a bit. I'll think on it...

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

I had just drawn a bubble bath
when my pen was stolen                                    Great start
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs                                     Would cut 'and' from both sentences. in order to preserve flow, you could for instance change
and he opened his cheek.                                                the fourth sentence into 'while opening...'

I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool
and the duck.                                                                  A bit goofy, but absurdity is the theme of this poem after all

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,                                                Groped doesn't seem a good choice, making me picture the protagonist being quite intimate with                                                                                          the pen
but all I could feel
was fish guck.                                                               

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash.                                                       Love the quirkiness of the final sentence. 

Interesting and refreshing read, thanks for sharing!

[lauraelizdok]

I had just drawn a bubble bath - I feel like you have opportunity for another line here. Could add more rhythm and more imagery.
when my pen was stolen
by a cocksure mallard.

He fled to a pond
with my tool in his beak,
and a quack threw some crumbs
and he opened his cheek. - perhaps find an alternative to 'and' here? (To avoid the repetition).
 
I stripped to my briefs and leapt in the muck,
hoping to leave with my tool- again, feel like another line added here would help add strength and rhythm
and the duck.

He flew off again,
and I groped for my pen,
but all I could feel
was fish guck.

I straggled back home
and drew up a bath,
while planning a meal
of duck confit hash. - love that it ends on cooking the duck, gives the poem it's fun quality. However, duck confit hash feels a bit forced, to rhyme with bath. A less forced alternative would offer more humour I think. In fact, a non-rhyming ending might even add to the effect.

P.s love the fun of this poem!