First Edit: Legacy

[Richard]

First Edit:

Paper is like snow,
words footprints,
soon to be erased
by a changing wind.


Original:

Paper is like snow,
words footprints,
soon to be covered up
by a changing wind.

[Keith]

Paper is like snow,
words footprints,
soon to be covered up
by a changing wind.

I like the idea of paper and words being footprints in the snow, it makes me think of a grander design, brail on a vast scale, not so sure chaniging wind is the right choice here. maybe fresh flurry or fresh fall ? your poem. I think you could lose 'up' too. Best keith

[Richard]

Hey Keith,
The "up" has been in my mind since I posted this. I was on the fence about cutting it or not when I typed this one up. Will give the changing wind some thought.

Thanks,
Richard

[nibbed]

I like very much,
but I'm not sure
I understand the title just yet.
The poem says much
with so little.

nibbed

[Richard]

Hey Janine,
Thanks for the kind words. I made a slight change in the edit, but still thinking about the "changing wind".

Thanks again,
Richard

[vagabond]

hi richard, i´d take "changing" out because the direction of the wind doesn´t matter for erasing footprints.

[Richard]

Hey vagabond,
Good point. Still trying to decide on what word to replace it with, or to just remove it.

Thanks,
Richard

[Wjames]

I like this, I don't ming changing wind, to me it conjures thoughts of society evolving, things moving in a new direction.

I think it would be a little stonger if you change the opening simile to a metaphor by cutting "like", though.

[Richard]

Hey Wjames,
Thanks for the suggestions. I've played around with the similes/metaphors in this one quite a bit. It actually started out as, "Snow is paper".

That was actually my intention with using "changing wind", but I'm uncertain if if it works on a literal level. However, you've given me something to think about with it.

Thanks again,
Richard