Black Ice

[dukealien]

Black Ice


Snow melts on bridges,
white-pack warmed to water
in a kindly sun.

But bitter fractions lie,
re-frozen fatally
by night and shadow.

Any level critique appreciated.

[unregistered]

I feel like I understand the poem but I am still missing something. I get how it is describing black ice and how it can be very dangerous to drivers (re-frozen fatally), but other than that I don't get anything from it so it falls a little bit flat to me. Other than that it flows really well for me when spoken aloud and my only advice would be to include an accident, although that would lengthen it a little bit.

I would love to hear your meaning behind if you wouldn't mind sharing.

[Bloodline]

damn bro, I'm wanting more after reading that. what direction are you looking to take this in? I would even consider turning these two mini paragraphs into a prose piece. You said so little while meaning so much!

[dukealien]

I feel like I understand the poem but I am still missing something. I get how it is describing black ice and how it can be very dangerous to drivers (re-frozen fatally), but other than that I don't get anything from it so it falls a little bit flat to me. Other than that it flows really well for me when spoken aloud and my only advice would be to include an accident, although that would lengthen it a little bit.

I would love to hear your meaning behind if you wouldn't mind sharing.

MLK/BLM - does that help?

[unregistered]

I think I understand what you meant now. Is it that race issues should be water under the bridge, but some can't let it go and are trapped/frozen in the past?

[dukealien]

@Bloodline - I believe you've latched onto the intended meaning without the hint.  But, and not to disparage your critical recommendation,  inspiring readers to compose their own further thoughts on the matter might be the point... which its present form has served.   

@unregistered - getting there, and with unexpected nuances.  Any thoughts on improvements?

[vagabond]

decided to ignore the reference in your spoiler in my interpretation : )
i think your metaphor fits for workings of single individuals.
you can "melt" the soft parts but the frozen, hard parts, hidden in the shadows are more resistant.
love how the metaphor is extended over/ below bridges.

[dukealien]

decided to ignore the reference in your spoiler in my interpretation : )
i think your metaphor fits for workings of single individuals.
you can "melt" the soft parts but the frozen, hard parts, hidden in the shadows are more resistant.
love how the metaphor is extended over/ below bridges.

Good to know it can be taken in a (what some would find) less offensive way.  And another interpretation for the collection (g).

Under bridges is usually less of a problem than on them - the distance is shorter,  vehicles don't have to time to get into an established skid or spin.  But being in the shadow of the span,  it tends to last longer there:  sun can still act on other black ice exposed to it.  Which is a little too involved for short form.

Thanks to all.