About time

[just mercedes]

 
 
Tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta asked for rain;
torrents, floods, rising
to engulf plains, hills,
even mountain peaks.
You turned from Tane?
Build rafts, or drown.

* * *

From Elaphantiné came granite
for the temple at Sais. A block
took two thousand labourers
three years to move, even hollowed
to make a chamber.
Delivered to the gate, and dropped.

* * *

clouds drift across the sky
while I
chop wood, fetch water

[Leanne]

Think we're due?

The inclusion of Sais insists to me that this flood will be one that cleanses the world of patriarchy and at last aligns position with merit, not with genital apparatus. It will be kings who ask for it, but goddesses who ride it and survive.

At least, that's what I think before my coffee

[just mercedes]

Think we're due?  

The inclusion of Sais insists to me that this flood will be one that cleanses the world of patriarchy and at last aligns position with merit, not with genital apparatus. It will be kings who ask for it, but goddesses who ride it and survive.

At least, that's what I think before my coffee

Yes, the wave is coming! Thanks for the read and comment. More coffee?

[RiverNotch]

 
 
Tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta asked for rain;
torrents, floods, rising
to engulf plains, hills,
even mountain peaks.
You turned from Tane?
Build rafts, or drown.

And here I thought flood myths were strictly Eurasian.

* * *

From Elaphantiné came granite
for the temple at Sais. A block
took two thousand labourers
three years to move, even hollowed
to make a chamber.
Delivered to the gate, and dropped.

Should be Elephantine, I think -- at any rate, here I wish I were more familiar with Egyptian mythology, or more attentive in studying the history of philosophy. 

* * *

clouds drift across the sky
while I
chop wood, fetch water

Nothing about stone, though? Well, I guess stones sink.

Didn't see anything anti-patriarchal about this, since I don't think the corporations shifting the responsibility behind global warming to the consumer are led mostly by men (and I have a feeling that some of them make themselves out to be at the forefront of social change, clean corporate culture and all)

[vagabond]

 
 
 
 
Tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta asked for rain;
torrents, floods, rising
to engulf plains, hills,
even mountain peaks.
You turned from Tane?             
Build rafts, or drown.

* * *

From Elaphantiné came granite
for the temple at Sais. A block
took two thousand labourers
three years to move, even hollowed            i guess i miss something significant about the chamber, so i imagined".. three years to move to the gate" as the stanza´s end.
to make a chamber.
Delivered to the gate, and dropped.

* * *

clouds drift across the sky
while I                                              here i wondered about inserting something like "while i cast down my eyes,/..."  
chop wood, fetch water


a fight for naked survival vs  the creation of a historical monument (though looking at the latter closely the working conditions probably had something of a fight for survival as well).  
 mostly it´s in between..  someone chops wood for warmth and fetches water for thirst: this seems closer to living than surviving.
(that´s just what your poem made me think, i guess there´s more/ or a different story i don´t recognize since i don´t know about tupu and tane)

[just mercedes]

 
 
 
 
Tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta asked for rain;
torrents, floods, rising
to engulf plains, hills,
even mountain peaks.
You turned from Tane?             
Build rafts, or drown.

* * *

From Elaphantiné came granite
for the temple at Sais. A block
took two thousand labourers
three years to move, even hollowed            i guess i miss something significant about the chamber, so i imagined".. three years to move to the gate" as the stanza´s end.
to make a chamber.
Delivered to the gate, and dropped.

* * *

clouds drift across the sky
while I                                              here i wondered about inserting something like "while i cast down my eyes,/..."  
chop wood, fetch water


a fight for naked survival vs  the creation of a historical monument (though looking at the latter closely the working conditions probably had something of a fight for survival as well).  
 mostly it´s in between..  someone chops wood for warmth and fetches water for thirst: this seems closer to living than surviving.
(that´s just what your poem made me think, i guess there´s more/ or a different story i don´t recognize since i don´t know about tupu and tane)

Even when you don't know the Zen koan about enlightenment "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." I think the idea gets through.

The first part of the poem reflects the universal Deluge myth. Every culture has one, with the survival of only one family, the 'righteous'.

The second juxtaposes the results of 'righteous' men in their efforts to be admired by posterity - a lot of effort wasted.

The third seems to recognise that, and turns back to the only things in life worth doing.

 I don't understand your need to insert anything in the final stanza - in fact, I'm trying to pare it down even further.

Thanks for your read and comments.

[RiverNotch]

Even when you don't know the Zen koan about enlightenment "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." I think the idea gets through.

The first part of the poem reflects the universal Deluge myth. Every culture has one, with the survival of only one family, the 'righteous'.

The second juxtaposes the results of 'righteous' men in their efforts to be admired by posterity - a lot of effort wasted.

The third seems to recognise that, and turns back to the only things in life worth doing.

 I don't understand your need to insert anything in the final stanza - in fact, I'm trying to pare it down even further.

Thanks for your read and comments.

i interpreted something more neurotic: that rhetorical question on the first stanza felt more scornful. instead of the speaker reflecting on the futility of the material world, i though the speaker was monologuing why he was 'chopping wood, fetching water' in this our age of steel: she thought she was noach, or pyrrha, or tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta. the stone-wood note in my first read i think illustrates the connection -- 'righteous men' make gods of themselves, righteous men pray to god their ships hold. in fact a cursory reading on the temple of Sais may retract from a decidedly feminist reading, since as far as i know that temple-soon-to-be-drowned was dedicated to a divine female.

at any rate, two more helpful notes: again, Elephantiné, i think, not Elaphantiné; and, if you really wanna pare that haiku, consider cutting 'across the sky'.

[just mercedes]

Even when you don't know the Zen koan about enlightenment "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water." I think the idea gets through.

The first part of the poem reflects the universal Deluge myth. Every culture has one, with the survival of only one family, the 'righteous'.

The second juxtaposes the results of 'righteous' men in their efforts to be admired by posterity - a lot of effort wasted.

The third seems to recognise that, and turns back to the only things in life worth doing.

 I don't understand your need to insert anything in the final stanza - in fact, I'm trying to pare it down even further.

Thanks for your read and comments.

i interpreted something more neurotic: that rhetorical question on the first stanza felt more scornful. instead of the speaker reflecting on the futility of the material world, i though the speaker was monologuing why he was 'chopping wood, fetching water' in this our age of steel: she thought she was noach, or pyrrha, or tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta. the stone-wood note in my first read i think illustrates the connection -- 'righteous men' make gods of themselves, righteous men pray to god their ships hold. in fact a cursory reading on the temple of Sais may retract from a decidedly feminist reading, since as far as i know that temple-soon-to-be-drowned was dedicated to a divine female.

at any rate, two more helpful notes: again, Elephantiné, i think, not Elaphantiné; and, if you really wanna pare that haiku, consider cutting 'across the sky'.

Thanks RVN - for the spelling, and the suggestion. I think I wanted the sky/I rhyme, even though ... thinking of the sky as time, clouds as things happening in the outside world that only really cast shadows ... then I'm back in the cave. I'll leave it for a while, but thanks!

[just mercedes]

4th Floor has taken 'About time' and 'Cruising the Nile' for 4th Floor Magazine - November 2018 publication http://4thfloorjournal.co.nz/about/

[just mercedes]

This is the poem as accepted - yet to go through editor's edit suggestions.



About time


Tupu-tupu-nui-a-uta asked for rain;
torrents fell, floods rose
engulfing hills, mountains.

You turned from Tane?
Build rafts, or drown.

* * *

From Elephantine came granite
for the temple at Sais. One block
took two thousand labourers
three years to move, even hollowed
to make a chamber.

Dropped at the gate, never
moved into place.

* * *

clouds drift across Taranaki
while I
chop wood
fetch water