the cottage

[alonso ramoran]

the cottage 

dream of youth,


peeling sundown  




firmament, frees  








temperate wind 
















into an afternoon
































of child echoes  
































































chasing seagulls 

edit 2: found the cottage

dream peels sundown 
firmament, releasing 
temperate wind into the
child echoes' afternoon  
of chasing seagulls


edit 1: found the cottage 
 
peeled of sundown  
firmament, the dream  
releases gentle air into  
an afternoon of children 
chasing seagulls 


original: found the cottage 
 
evening firmament is peeled  
from the dream, releasing 
a balmy breeze of afternoon  
that children frolic in, 
chasing seagulls

[vagabond]

lovely journey back in time.. nice hint toward a double meaning with "firmament", makes the breeze even more relieving.
(the only place i stumbled was "frolic in". maybe take away the "that" and move "in" to the last line)

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Alex, This works pretty well for me. "Frolic" kinda kills it for me, but hey, it's only one word. I feel like you could trim some of the small words and have a rather evocative extended faux-haiku 

found the cottage 
 
evening firmament is 
peeled  from the dream, releasing 
a balmy breeze of afternoon  
that children frolic in,  chas(e)ing seagulls

Ya that's pretty sparse, take what suits your poem.
Paul