Lemuria And Others (prev. Magma)

[CRNDLSM]

Edit 

As magma bubbles and molds
Fresh layers of earth
Dirt settles from the sky
Just like oceans to vapor.

Fresh layers of earth
Endlessly cycle beyond life
Just like oceans to vapor.
The carbon in our bones

Endlessly cycle beyond life
Devoured, burned to dust
The carbon in our bones
Erased from history.

Devoured, burned to dust
Nothing left to study
Erased from history
Entire civilizations lost

Nothing left to study 
No Wildes, Wrights, or Wells 
Entire civilizations lost
Tombs folded in time

No Wildes, Wrights, or Wells
Dirt settles from the sky
Tombs folded in time
As magma bubbles and molds



Original

As magma bubbles and molds
Fresh layers of earth 
dirt settles from the sky
Just like oceans to vapor.

Fresh layers of earth
Endlessly cycle beyond life
Just like oceans to vapor.
The carbon in our bones

Endlessly cycle beyond life
Devoured, burned to dust
The carbon in our bones
Erased from history.

Devoured, burned to dust
Nothing left to study
Erased from history
Entire civilizations gone

Nothing left to study 
No books, no dvds, no phones
Entire civilizations gone
In uncountable numbers.

No books, no dvds, no phones
Dirt settles from the sky
In uncountable numbers
As magma bubbles and molds

[Richard]

Hey CRNDLSM,
I found myself enjoying reading this one aloud. I noticed some repetition of lines, but I can't help but wonder if this in some format that I am unfamiliar with. I do have some thoughts though:

As magma bubbles and molds -I feel like where you start with the image of magma that you should rethink your title. There's nothing wrong with your title, but I think you're missing out on a chance to be more creative with it.
Fresh layers of earth 
dirt settles from the sky -Why is "dirt" lower-cased? Is that intentional?
Just like oceans to vapor.

Fresh layers of earth
Endlessly cycle beyond life -I like how you cycle through lines, reflecting the "cycle beyond life".
Just like oceans to vapor.
The carbon in our bones -The image here is so humbling. This is the type of line that made me stop and think, which is always a good thing.

Endlessly cycle beyond life
Devoured, burned to dust -What is doing the devouring here? Time or the magma? I like the implications of possibly both.
The carbon in our bones
Erased from history. -This seems a bit apocalyptic, which I feel like an image you could expand upon. 

Devoured, burned to dust
Nothing left to study
Erased from history
Entire civilizations gone -I get what you're going for here. I just wonder if you could think of a specific example of a civilization that was "Erased from history"? I feel like that would make this image more potent.

Nothing left to study 
No books, no dvds, no phones -I like the imagery here. What if you named a specific book or DVD? Just a thought. 
Entire civilizations gone
In uncountable numbers.

No books, no dvds, no phones
Dirt settles from the sky
In uncountable numbers -This is the only part where I feel like the repetition of the lines seems a bit forced. Who counts dirt?
As magma bubbles and molds -I like how you return to the image of the magma. It gives the poem a nice circular feel.

I enjoyed the chance to read and think about this. I hope some of what I said is helpful, and I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard

[CRNDLSM]

That's very helpful Richard I think it's improved already, I forget the form name but its easily the most obnoxious form to work on.

[Richard]

I like the changes you made in the edit, especially the new title.

[vagabond]

As magma bubbles and molds
Fresh layers of earth
Dirt settles from the sky
Just like oceans to vapor.           a gravity-defying comparison.. i wondered if you could replace settle with some other word because oceans don´t really settle.. or maybe write something like "dust settles from the clouds/ like oceans vaporize to skies." the example isn´t great, just to explain what i see in those lines.

Fresh layers of earth
Endlessly cycle beyond life                  maybe "around" instead of "beyond". and for rhythm maybe "keep cycling" instead of endlessly cycle.
Just like oceans to vapor.
The carbon in our bones

Endlessly cycle beyond life               "cycles", since carbon is singular.   and, though it would interrupt the scheme i´d rather see "through" than "beyond".
Devoured, burned to dust
The carbon in our bones
Erased from history.             since the carbon doesn´t vanish (except maybe through nuclear fission or fusion, but i have no idea if that would be so) maybe "transformed to history"

Devoured, burned to dust
Nothing left to study
Erased from history
Entire civilizations lost                       entire civilizations almost reads a bit over-dramatic.. even when it´s true.. i´d want something like " words will fade away"

Nothing left to study
No Wildes, Wrights, or Wells
Entire civilizations lost
Tombs folded in time             would like present tense here (fold) . ok, then "tombs" would need to be a longer word.. graveyards?

No Wildes, Wrights, or Wells
Dirt settles from the sky
Tombs folded in time
As magma bubbles and molds                a one-syllable word for bubbles would be nice.. but i can´t think of one.

that form with the repeating lines (and i don´t know  if it has a name or if you invented it) is really pleasant to read.  
it´s as if the stanzas slowly spread forward, one layering over the other like magma. cool poem. 

[CRNDLSM]

Pantoum, lines 2 and 4 become lines 1 and 3 of the next stanza, thanks vagabond I am making alterations based on your suggestions, but am torn about the repeitions... If I change this, do I have to change this?