Posts: 751
Threads: 409
Joined: May 2014
A Widowed Muse
To be sure, you'll outlive me
you with your quinoa
and your couscous
and your mornings in the gym
mornings I'm lucky to wake
from whatever poisons I take
to wiggle the pen at night
to scribble in ink
to put a piece of you to paper
to be sure you'll outlive me.
Posts: 438
Threads: 374
Joined: Sep 2014
Yes. I too want to be survived by the people I write about, so that I don't have to suffer their loss, my loss really, and so there'll be no one around to have the last word.
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
Really dig this one, love how the poem comes full circle. Also how mindful it is of itself. Thanks for the read
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
DristigExpress
Unregistered
The way that you write about this person reflects to me how love should be. We should love through admiration and through wanting to see the best for that individual. We should also acknowledge the best in that individual. Love should be selfless as you mirrored in this piece. I love it, as it paints a picture, not only visually, but it pushes you into deeper thought about what those we love really mean to us.
Posts: 17
Threads: 4
Joined: Jul 2013
Really nice! Though the (accidental?) rhyme in the middle kind of jars. Maybe change ‘take’ to something else suitable?
Thanks for the read
Graham
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
This continues to please, I especially like the title and "wiggle".
Thanks for posting it, it has a clarity that for me allows for bigger thoughts on couples.
(06-06-2018, 02:21 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: A Widowed Muse
To be sure, you'll outlive me
you with your quinoa
and your couscous
and your mornings in the gym
mornings I'm lucky to wake
from whatever poisons I take
to wiggle the pen at night
to scribble in ink
to put a piece of you to paper
to be sure you'll outlive me.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 695
Threads: 139
Joined: Jun 2015
Well, well, well, Paul-
This is just to say
that I very much appreciate the flavor of your brevity.
You've posted some very cool plums lately.
Wiggle on,
...Mark
Posts: 751
Threads: 409
Joined: May 2014
Thanks for reading and commenting guys. I'm not 100% satisfied with this but there is a lot I like about it. Glad it was enjoyable.
Paul
Posts: 471
Threads: 204
Joined: Dec 2017
(06-06-2018, 02:21 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: A Widowed Muse
To be sure, you'll outlive me
you with your quinoa
and your couscous
and your mornings in the gym
mornings I'm lucky to wake
from whatever poisons I take
to wiggle the pen at night
to scribble in ink
to put a piece of you to paper
to be sure you'll outlive me.
Thesudden rhyme in the middle is disconcerting.
Wiggling the pen is unintentionally hilarious
