8-21-18

[Tiger the Lion]

tardy august rain
falls, and falls over itself
to apologize

[ellajam]

tardy august rain
falls, and falls over itself
to apologize

An interesting set of words.  

A few things to think about re falls and tardy:

tardy august rain
falls over itself
to apologize
(I think we still get the double falls)

tardy august rain falls
over itself
to apologize
(I sort of like getting the double meaning of "over itself" by isolating it)

tardy august rain
falls (comma or mdash) falls over itself
to apologize

tardy august rain falls (mdash?)
falls over itself
to apologize

I'm sure you've considered late vs tardy and chosen the concrete but I enjoy the multible edge of late, late in the day,  late in the month, late after a drought, too late.

I'm not really suggesting change, just babbling. Good morning.

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks Ella. I thought through a bunch of options and couldn't quite get it right.
I ended up with a comma in the middle of a haiku, so what does that say?

tardy august rain
falls, and falls over itself
to apologize

An interesting set of words.  

A few things to think about re falls and tardy:

tardy august rain
falls over itself
to apologize
(I think we still get the double falls) like this one

tardy august rain falls
over itself
to apologize
(I sort of like getting the double meaning of "over itself" by isolating it) 

tardy august rain
falls (comma or mdash) falls over itself
to apologize

tardy august rain falls (mdash?)
falls over itself
to apologize

I'm sure you've considered late vs tardy and chosen the concrete but I enjoy the multible edge of late, late in the day,  late in the month, late after a drought, too late. chose tardy mostly for syllables (half true) . But looking at it again, I think "late" would be needlessly ambiguous. I would choose tardy again. Plus I think tardy is a great word. It has an embarrassed way about it.  

I'm not really suggesting change, just babbling. Good morning.

Lots of fires here in Canada. Been a hot, dry summer. Waited a long time for a rain like the other night. 

[RiverNotch]

tardy august rain
falls, and falls over itself
to apologize

fall as in autumn, fall as in falling rain, fall as in a klutz -- of course, living with such seasons only in concept, the image i have is one of the monsoon, or the usual spell of typhoons. which is rather silly, considering they're early during the month. an interesting point of difference.

[billy]

hi tiger
for me it's more a senryu than a haiku but it doesn't really matter. i like the wordplay and the depth of the last line. the apology can work two ways. sorry for flooding or sorry for being late. it has a childlike quality about it, [i mean that in a good way]

tardy august rain
falls, and falls over itself
to apologize