Wheatfield with Crows (Cinquain)

[Torkelburger]

There, lies
melancholy:
forces of renewal
beneath troubled skies--a wheatfield
with crows.

Adam DH Torkelson

[dukealien]

There, lies
melancholy:
forces of renewal
beneath troubled skies--a wheatfield
with crows.

Adam DH Torkelson

A nice image and thought. Though critique was not requested, can't help thinking how (outside the form) this could be even more spare and stark -

[was going to insert an example, but it would have been a rewrite, so, no].

Good, thanks for posting.

[Keith]

I like the underbelly of this piece things beneath things, it certain meets the Cinquain requirements and then some, but if you are looking for a different slant maybe show us melancholy and expand the visual. Just a thought and very much enjoyed as is. Best Keith