Cat Shower

[Torkelburger]

a Collom Lune

Cat Shower

My cat's tongue
can clean her whole body
with prudent licks.

[philip]

Hello Tb,

I'm assuming it's a lune - but it's rather flat, with no fresh insight here to lift the poem.
I think the snag might be 'prudent' - a bit of a weak and vague adjective for the punchline.
Get real with it, what's really happening? - the cat is bending its body out of shape - find that adjective, for more novel imagery perhaps?

just my thoughts..........P

[Torkelburger]

Thanks for the advice.  I think you're right.  Maybe:

Cat Shower

My cat's tongue
can clean her whole body
with contorted licks.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey T-
I thought the crescent moon form (collom lune) had a structure of 3-5-3.
Of course, it can be modified at the whim of the poet.
That said, I was hoping for a stronger image and perhaps the 3-5-3 could tease it out.
Difficult form to work in, and I appreciate your effort...
Thanks!
... Mark