7-5-21

[Tiger the Lion]

Edit (Knot,Mark,PIM)

lone inukshuk
painted in northern lights--
directing wise men


Original...

a lone Inukshuk
painted under northern lights--
directing wise men

[dukealien]

a lone Inukshuk
painted under northern lights--
directing wise men

Had to look it up.  An arresting image, particularly when comparing/contrasting the Aurora Borealis with that stellar conjunction (or whatever it was) over 2000 years ago - spread out all over the sky and spectacular, but... local color.  And not yielding a clear direction...

[Tiger the Lion]

a lone Inukshuk
painted under northern lights--
directing wise men

Had to look it up.  An arresting image, particularly when comparing/contrasting the Aurora Borealis with that stellar conjunction (or whatever it was) over 2000 years ago - spread out all over the sky and spectacular, but... local color.  And not yielding a clear direction...

Thanks for that Duke. In fact, it's the Inukshuk giving direction. It was/is their purpose. The AB merely illuminates the director. I know you're a grammar guru so it worries me a little that you read the lights as directing. I might have been guilty of mixing genres here; the line last opens up too many questions for a haiku to answer.

Paul

[dukealien]

a lone Inukshuk
painted under northern lights--
directing wise men

Had to look it up.  An arresting image, particularly when comparing/contrasting the Aurora Borealis with that stellar conjunction (or whatever it was) over 2000 years ago - spread out all over the sky and spectacular, but... local color.  And not yielding a clear direction...

Thanks for that Duke. In fact, it's the Inukshuk giving direction. It was/is their purpose. The AB merely illuminates the director. I know you're a grammar guru so it worries me a little that you read the lights as directing. I might have been guilty of mixing genres here; the line last opens up too many questions for a haiku to answer.

Paul

With the additional information that the inukshuk (does written Inuit capitalize nouns?) is directional, the em dash (represented here by double-dash) is sufficient.  I didn't read enough of the Wiki to find that out 

[Knot]

Hi Tiger,
nothing to add but a thumbs up
(I didn't have a problem with who was doing the directing, 'under' on the other hand ).

Best, Knot

[Tiger the Lion]

Hi Tiger,
nothing to add but a thumbs up
(I didn't have a problem with who was doing the directing, 'under' on the other hand ).

Best, Knot

Thanks Knot. I agree that "under" has a slight awkwardness to it. Still thinking on that line, but most of my options have some downside or other. This is why I'm usually against rigidly sticking to 5-7-5. "In" would actually be better than "under".

[Knot]

"In" would actually be better than "under".

Would 'in the' work?

[Tiger the Lion]

"In" would actually be better than "under".

Would 'in the' work?

It would. But I try to avoid filler words for the sake of syllable count. I already have "a" in line one. I'm more inclined to present it like this...

lone Inukshuk
painted in northern lights--
directing wise men

feels a lesser compromise.

[Knot]

feels a lesser compromise.

Granted.

I suppose it all comes down to how critical 'painted' is.

Just a thought

Inukshuk watching

the glow of northern lights

directing wise men.

Best, Knot

.

[Magpie]

Hi Paul, 

great image you've got here, I agree that inukshuk should not be capitalised and I also agree that you should drop the 'a' from line one but it's nothing major.

cheers for the read,

Mark

[Poetry In Motion]

I agree, I think the 'a' should be dropped, makes it a more punchier read.

Thanks for sharing,

[Tiger the Lion]

A good reminder that marrying yourself to a syllable count is not always fruitful. Glad for the reminder.