We Are the Toys of Time

[TranquillityBase]

We are the toys 
of an omnipotent child
not right in the head
who wanders the rooms
between the Earth and the Moon,
close by, so he can see us play
with the little packets of joy
given in moments of elation.

His idea of fun
is to get color into the game
blood covering our face
nothing unveiled but the eyes
staring in surprise

or simply smothering our souls
with drool and sticky fingers
until death turns us 
into a cooling fog
that lifts and is forgotten.

He is our unlucky God
plagiarized out of planets
the third player who casts
the decisive lot
and descends into time 
with no wish to survive.

We are the toys of time

antics, tricks, 

thoughtless entertainments

of an insane God

who inhabits

an invisible province

between the Earth and the Moon.



Sometimes an amorous game,

a tender caress,

a playful movement

for his amusement,

whether it be the touch of a woman

or some other lighthearted tip,

done out of charity

to send us some joy



or a cut to the quick

blood covering the face

nothing unveiled but the eyes

staring in surprise



or simply a smothering

until death turns the body 

into a cooling fog

that lifts and is forgotten.



He is a fortunate God

plagiarized out of planets

misbegotten and random

a happy collection of atoms

in a sequence foretold

the third man who casts

the decisive lot for his toys

and oddly descends

a point in time with no

reason or season 

or wish to survive.

I've taken certain words and phrases of this poem from the Oxford English Dictionary entries for "toy" and "happy" and "odd".  Of its 144 words, approximately half come from paraphrased definitions, etymologies and historical examples in the OED for those words.  Fun is where you find it, and that's where I found it this Sunday morning.

[dukealien]

It's enjoyable and, with a little refiguring and some mid-course corrections, fairly sensible.

So is the poem.

P.S. The reads counter is busted on this one, too.

[TranquillityBase]

It's enjoyable and, with a little refiguring and some mid-course corrections, fairly sensible.



So is the poem.



P.S. The reads counter is busted on this one, too.

So is the poem.    

Thanks Duke.  I noticed the reads counter wasn't working.  I'll report it.

[busker]

We are the toys of time
antics, tricks, 
thoughtless entertainments
of an insane God
who inhabits
an invisible province
between the Earth and the Moon.   .... the idea of an insane god is not original, and just stating it like that doesn't leave much of an impression. Also, about the location - unless there's an allusion to medieval imagery (and there it's definitely not the region between the earth and the moon that heaven is located in), I don't see the point of the last three liens in this strophe

Sometimes an amorous game,
a tender caress,
a playful movement
for his amusement,
whether it be the touch of a woman
or some other lighthearted tip,
done out of charity
to send us some joy .... this entire strophe left me cold. It's much too wordy and still doesn't say anything  memorable

or a cut to the quick .. 'quick' is cliched and archaic
blood covering the face
nothing unveiled but the eyes
staring in surprise .. I like the last two lines

or simply a smothering
until death turns the body 
into a cooling fog
that lifts and is forgotten. ... these are a memorable 4 lines. The highlight of the poem

He is a fortunate God
plagiarized out of planets .... loved this line
misbegotten and random
a happy collection of atoms
in a sequence foretold ..... 'happy collection', 'misbegotten', 'random' - don't create much of an impression
the third man who casts
the decisive lot for his toys
and oddly descends
a point in time with no
reason or season ... too cliched again
or wish to survive. .... nice ending

I've taken certain words and phrases of this poem from the Oxford English Dictionary entries for "toy" and "happy" and "odd".  Of its 144 words, approximately half come from paraphrased definitions, etymologies and historical examples in the OED for those words.  Fun is where you find it, and that's where I found it this Sunday morning.

Hi TqB - I think this poem would benefit greatly from some editing and excising. Put in some comments, even though it's in Fun.

[TranquillityBase]

Busker,

Thanks for reading and critiquing.  I was thinking of the gnostic God, so I figured he could reside wherever he wants to.  Close by, so he can mess with us.  Second strophe is more or less a translation of an example of the use of the word "toy" in Middle English in the OED.

Anyway, the stuff you picked out as best is what I wrote myself without cribbing from the OED.  So maybe there is something here.

It's always nice to hear something, even in Fun and Miscellaneous. 

TqB