Magpie

[busker]

As day begins, night
in its many moods
lingers, like a brooding
magpie.
The moon fades
into a silver dollar.

[Mark A Becker]

Hey busker-  Lovely piece, yet it seems something's missing between "magpie" and "moon".

Perhaps, a line to tie the "brooding magpie" to "the moon fades": a line describing its song.

That aside, I'm a fan of very short pieces, and also very aware that every word has a job to do: a descriptive word instead of "begins" would work in that direction.

The "silver dollar" image doesn't quite fit here (for me): perhaps an image of something that exists in the natural world?

As day____ , night  (arises? )
in its many moods
lingers, like a brooding
magpie.
_____________  (some onomatopoeia?)
_____________
The moon fades
into _______.  ( ?? )


Just some of my imprsseions,
Mark

[busker]

Thanks, Mark. Some great feedback there.
This one will take some work. I’ll let it stew for a bit.