The Oddity of Existence

[Wavey]

We are all vessels of broken and faded memories, gyrating in a motion picture, surrounded by people playing as extras in this movie we call reality in order to keep us apart from the greatest secret of all...The moment you're living in now is only a dream because years from now, when you look back, you'll question if those moments ever existed or you'll forget about them completely which means that it never happened.

[CRNDLSM]

I'm gonna wait a few more minutes to make sure you left feedback on someone else's poem before I say anything about your piece

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[Wavey]

Thank you. No problem..i just revised my piece by the way, im new to this..

[Magpie]

Hi Wavey, welcome to the site. Interesting 'poem' you've got here. Firstly it looks and reads like prose, so forgive me for giving it line breaks so that i can critique it more easily.

We are all vessels of broken and faded memories, - broken and faded imply the same thing here - only need one of them
gyrating in a motion picture, - 'gyrating' ? is this the right word?
surrounded by people playing as extras in this movie we call reality  not needed
in order to keep us apart from the greatest secret of all...  could be reduced to 'keeping us from the greatest secret'
The moment you're living in 

Now is only a dream because years from now, 
and when you look back, 
you'll question if those moments ever existed 
or you'll forget about them completely 
which means that it they never happened. - this last bit seems awkwardly written

If you were to put line breaks in and then look at the wording then it would resemble a poem more. The idea and sentiment is sound enough. Without adding anything (so it's still your poem) you could edit it like so.

We are all vessels of broken memories,
gyrating in a motion picture, 
surrounded by people playing as extras 
keeping us apart from the greatest secret of all. 

Now is only a dream
and when you look back, 
you'll question if those moments ever existed 
or you'll forget them completely 
which means they never happened.

cheers
mark

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oops perhaps i shouldn't have critiqued this now i noticed you only done one critique and it probably doesn't count as a critique. What the hell, it's Friday. You've got one for free. But in the future give feedback it's fun... honest 

[CRNDLSM]

We are all vessels of broken and faded memories,  gyrating in a motion picture I'm having a hard time imagining gyrating , surrounded by people people as vessels, or are the people different from the vessels,  playing as extras in this movie we call reality in order to keep us apart from the greatest secret of all...The moment you're living in now is only a dream because years from now dream years or motion picture years or reality years, when you look back, you'll question if those moments ever existed or you'll forget about them completely which means that it never happened. 

While I don't agree with the closing statement I can't argue it, the flow is dreamy and I like that, but if you used line breaks you could emphasize pauses, it's easier to control the wrap around if the font resizes, I like the theme and would like to read more like this, 

[Erthona]

Wavey,

Welcome to the site. Critiquing poetry is how we get better.

Poetry does not allow poor writers an easy way out. That's what I thought and how I got into poetry. I was a poor writer. It also does not allow one to recycle ideas that have been overused, which is most of what you have written here; poor grammar and unoriginal thoughts. The only original thought here is "gyrating in a motion picture", unfortunately it makes no sense. "gyrating" does not enhance "motion picture" nor vice versa. Maybe try your hand at formal poetry to learn a sense of structure and rhythm.

best,

dale