homo crudelis (revised, new title)

[TranquillityBase]

Original Sin

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
I see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.

If I’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
I’d bow before them
but I’m a child no more.

It’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night.

On fishing trips
I helped my father
plunge a seine into a lake
taking in a harvest of bait
leaving a mass of minnows
too small  to be used on the trotline
dying on the bank.

I’ll not plead innocence
not then
not now
not ever again.

it’s my time to question

every link back 

to our fabulous myths

of the child

presumed innocent 

only playing 

below an overarching night

seeds of potential destruction

burgeoning inside.



I had a childhood

and I remember enough

to be dangerous.



Once I helped my father

to plunge a seine into a lake

taking in a harvest of bait

leaving

a mass of minnows

too small 

to be used on the trotline

dying on the bank.



I’ll not plead innocence

not then

not now

not ever again.











homo crudelis



4:50 a.m.

chasing the dog

to shut down his bark

i see three stars aligned

like a telephone pole in the sky.

i’m a tv baby

unimpressed.

if i’d seen them move

into a magic column

the sky animated

i’d bow before them

but i’m a child no more

possibly i never was.

Himmler and Stalin 

Pol Pot and Pinochet

were children once;

were they ever innocent?

i doubt it.

it’s my time to question

every link back 

to our fabulous myths

most of all

the myth of the child

presumed innocent 

only playing 

below an overarching night

but the seed of destruction

was burgeoning inside.

i had a childhood

and i remember enough of it

to be dangerous too.

i once helped my father

to plunge a seine into a lake

take in a harvest of bait

leaving behind

a mass of minnows

too small 

to be used on the trotline

to die on the bank.

it’s true i tried to save a few

but i knew it was hopeless.

there’s an old photo

from those camping trips

my father pretending to pour coffee

into a tin cup i held towards him.

i’ll not plead innocence

not now

not ever again.

[Mark A Becker]

interesting thought stream, Tim

How does evil blossom? I’ve often wondered as well.

We all recognize its potential within ourselves, which may cause some of us to follow that lead. Others to fight it at all costs

[brynmawr1]

homo crudelis

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
i see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.
i’m a tv baby
unimpressed.
if i’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
i’d bow before them
but i’m a child no more
possibly i never was.   maybe?
Himmler and Stalin 
Pol Pot and Pinochet
were children once;
were they ever innocent?
i doubt it.
it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
most of all
the myth of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
but the seed of destruction
was burgeoning inside.
i had a childhood
and i remember enough of it
to be dangerous too.
Once i helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
taking a harvest of bait
leaving behind
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
dying on the bank.
it’s true i tried to save a few
but i knew it was hopeless.
there’s an old photo
from those camping trips
my father pretending to pour coffee
into a tin cup i held towards him.
i’ll not plead innocence
not now
not ever again.

hey,
I like the progression from the stars to evil and the theme of false innocence.  Where it falters for me is when you compare yourself to people like Pol Pot, etc.  The underlined part I think could be cut though I feel it's another example of innocence.
Take care,
steve

[TranquillityBase]

homo crudelis

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
i see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.
i’m a tv baby
unimpressed.
if i’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
i’d bow before them
but i’m a child no more
possibly i never was.   maybe?
Himmler and Stalin 
Pol Pot and Pinochet
were children once;
were they ever innocent?
i doubt it.
it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
most of all
the myth of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
but the seed of destruction
was burgeoning inside.
i had a childhood
and i remember enough of it
to be dangerous too.
Once i helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
taking a harvest of bait
leaving behind
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
dying on the bank.
it’s true i tried to save a few
but i knew it was hopeless.
there’s an old photo
from those camping trips
my father pretending to pour coffee
into a tin cup i held towards him.
i’ll not plead innocence
not now
not ever again.

hey,
I like the progression from the stars to evil and the theme of false innocence.  Where it falters for me is when you compare yourself to people like Pol Pot, etc.  The underlined part I think could be cut though I feel it's another example of innocence.
Take care,
steve

Hi Steve,

Thanks for responding to my Bat Signal 

You've made many helpful edits, so thanks for that.  Perhaps I can add something to it to explain how I see the progression from Pol Pot etc to myself.  I've read a lot about those historical nightmares (except Pinochet, thrown in for alliterative purposes), beginning at an early age, and can feel the attraction that their ideologies held for them, that allowed them to commit those crimes against humanity.  And of course, they couldn't do it alone, had the help of many thousands of other "grown ups". That's missing from the poem.

Tim

---

interesting thought stream, Tim

How does evil blossom? I’ve often wondered as well.

We all recognize its potential within ourselves, which may cause some of us to follow that lead. Others to fight it at all costs

thanks Mark,

Perhaps I need to add a word or two about your point, that children can blossom into either camp guards/executioners or resistance fighters.  Give it some balance.  Or not....I guess I'm more interested in the or not.

Tim

[brynmawr1]

Original Sin

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
I see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.

if I’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
I’d bow before them
but I’m a child no more.

it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
seeds of potential destruction
burgeoning inside.

I had a childhood
and I remember enough
to be dangerous.

Once I helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
taking in a harvest of bait
leaving
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
dying on the bank.

I’ll not plead innocence
not then
not now
not ever again.

homo crudelis

4:50 a.m.
chasing the dog
to shut down his bark
i see three stars aligned
like a telephone pole in the sky.
i’m a tv baby
unimpressed.
if i’d seen them move
into a magic column
the sky animated
i’d bow before them
but i’m a child no more
possibly i never was.
Himmler and Stalin 
Pol Pot and Pinochet
were children once;
were they ever innocent?
i doubt it.
it’s my time to question
every link back 
to our fabulous myths
most of all
the myth of the child
presumed innocent 
only playing 
below an overarching night
but the seed of destruction
was burgeoning inside.
i had a childhood
and i remember enough of it
to be dangerous too.
i once helped my father
to plunge a seine into a lake
take in a harvest of bait
leaving behind
a mass of minnows
too small 
to be used on the trotline
to die on the bank.
it’s true i tried to save a few
but i knew it was hopeless.
there’s an old photo
from those camping trips
my father pretending to pour coffee
into a tin cup i held towards him.
i’ll not plead innocence
not now
not ever again.

Afternoon,
I like the changes (since I suggested them  ) but especially breaking up the poem into stanzas.  I almost suggested it earlier so I'm glad you did it.  It reads much better to me, but I still think there is a link missing to better develop the 'seed' as the through line of the poem.  I'm also think there should be a slightly more explicit clue in the minnow stanza to convey N's accepting indifference to the dying fish.  Trying to tie the seed idea to N's anecdote might do the trick.  Something to think about.
Take care,
steve