Blocked
#1
Blocked

I'm always too much me;

unshowered, 

unshaven

in threadbare boxer shorts
with my companion
beer cans and cold pizza
loyally at my side
when my muse pops in to visit.

She never says a word.
Reply
#2
(08-23-2023, 12:10 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blocked

I'm always too much me;

unshowered, 

unshaved,

in threadbare boxer shorts
with my companion
beer cans and cold pizza
loyally at my side
when the muse pops in to visit.

She never says a word.

Enjoyed the read.  I see a double meaning in that last line: the muse doesn't care how disordered you may be, she still comes to visit and/or she comes but does not inspire (because of the title).

First line really hit home.  Probably not in the way you meant it in the poem, but in my own life.

TqB
Reply
#3
(08-23-2023, 12:10 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blocked

I'm always too much me;

unshowered, 

unshaved,

in threadbare boxer shorts
with my companion
beer cans and cold pizza
loyally at my side
when the muse pops in to visit.

She never says a word.

  
  
I like this one and can relate to the mood and the “too much me.”  
  
Should it be ‘companions’ plural? Or if ‘companion’ is something/someone other than the beer cans and pizza, then serial commas would make it clearer. I went back and forth reading it both ways trying to decide which was meant. 
  
The last line is ambiguous (in that good poetic way).  It could be an actual person stopping by who is either silent with companionable acceptance or silent in judgment (there are so many types of silence). Or it could be the phantom muse of inspiration (at least my muses are all figment word-bringers) who is withholding words from the author-narrator.  The title inclines me to go with the latter interpretation, but I like that the reader has options.  

—Quix
The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara 
Reply
#4
Thanks for the thoughts, guys. Admittedly, it was late and I slapped on a title without thinking it through. I'm usually very careful with titles because they can make or break a poem. This one is all wrong so thanks for making me aware of it. I'll be back with a new title and a slight tweak I am considering.
Reply
#5
Maybe, due to your British heritage, you could remove the c from the title.
Reply
#6
(08-24-2023, 04:14 AM)rowens Wrote:  Maybe, due to your British heritage, you could remove the c from the title.
That's too much you, Mr. Owens, we're talking about too much me!  Hysterical
Reply
#7
When I typed in the word bloked to see what it meant, it wasn't saved as a Search result, like when you type in something like: what movies has Alessa Savage been in?. So I figured it must be something dirty.


Robin Williams said that the c word is the ugliest word in the language. That's all I meant by removing the c from the title.
Reply
#8
(08-24-2023, 05:21 AM)rowens Wrote:  When I typed in the word bloked to see what it meant, it wasn't saved as a Search result, like when you type in something like: what movies has Alessa Savage been in?. So I figured it must be something dirty.


Robin Williams said that the c word is the ugliest word in the language. That's all I meant by removing the c from the title.
I suppose I could remove the "B" just to get heads scratching too.
Reply
#9
You could put it in the Pig's Arse, and before people clicked on it, they would think it was about that guy Serge Gurski.
Reply
#10
In the last 2 hours I've managed to edit "unshaved" to "unshaven." -----progress!
Reply
#11
Like Mick Foley said about weightplates, dumbbells and barbells, I never touch the stuff.
Reply
#12
(08-23-2023, 12:10 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blocked

I'm always too much me;

unshowered, 

unshaven

in threadbare boxer shorts
with my companion
beer cans and cold pizza
loyally at my side
when the muse pops in to visit. -- my

She never says a word.

There's more scope for the imagination this way. 
Reply
#13
(08-24-2023, 05:52 AM)Lizzie Wrote:  
(08-23-2023, 12:10 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Blocked

I'm always too much me;

unshowered, 

unshaven

in threadbare boxer shorts
with my companion
beer cans and cold pizza
loyally at my side
when the muse pops in to visit. -- my

She never says a word.
There's more scope for the imagination this way. 
agreed and tweaked. Thanks. I was toying with that last night but forgot.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!