10-2-23

[Tiger the Lion]

waning harvest moon 
now a giant pumpkin seed
orange as the sun

waning harvest moon
now a smashed pumpkin
of blood orange

[Lizzie]

waning harvest moon 
now a giant pumpkin seed
orange as the sun

I want to like this, but I'm having a hard time seeing the shape of the gibbous moon as a pumpkin seed, shelled or unshelled. And, if the reader has to stop to think "does that work?," then I'm not sure it does.

[rayheinrich]

waning harvest moon 
now a giant pumpkin seed
orange as the sun

I want to like this, but I'm having a hard time seeing the shape of the gibbous moon as a pumpkin seed, shelled or unshelled. And, if the reader has to stop to think "does that work?," then I'm not sure it does.

I certainly like the idea, but Liz has a point. When I first read it, the cognitive dissonance
affected me more negatively than positively. When I read "waning harvest moon" I think
reddish-orange and crescent. When I read pumpkin I think orange, but pumpkin seed gets
me thinking bright white. Also, I'm not so sure something as bright as the sun, even when
it is setting, works in a poem that has the moon in it. Call me old-fashioned, but I think
waning moons, harvests, and pumpkins are the way to go.

[Tiger the Lion]

Ya. Nothing earthshaking in this one. Some nights I just document the moon as I see it. This particular moon was "shaped" like a pumpkin seed and blood orange. Not the white of an actual seed. There's a disconnect but that's what experimenting is for.

[rayheinrich]

Ya. Nothing earthshaking in this one. Some nights I just document the moon as I see it. This particular moon was "shaped" like a pumpkin seed and blood orange. Not the white of an actual seed. There's a disconnect but that's what experimenting is for.

No slinking out on this one with the 'I wasn't really trying' excuse.

You've got two of the finest who took our valuable time commenting on your promise.

The only honourable course (aside seppuku) is to rewrite the poem and present it like a man.



Hint: Waning moons and real pumpkins are orange.

[Tiger the Lion]

Ya. Nothing earthshaking in this one. Some nights I just document the moon as I see it. This particular moon was "shaped" like a pumpkin seed and blood orange. Not the white of an actual seed. There's a disconnect but that's what experimenting is for.

No slinking out on this one with the 'I wasn't really trying' excuse.

You've got two of the finest who took our valuable time commenting on your promise.

The only honourable course (aside seppuku) is to rewrite the poem and present it like a man.



Hint: Waning moons and real pumpkins are orange.

I must be out of my gourd succumbing to Ray's guilt trippin'

[Lizzie]

I must be out of my gourd succumbing to Ray's guilt trippin'

I see what you did there 

So, I finally went and read this thing that's been pinned to the top of the forum forever and ever. It says not to use simile or metaphor in haiku (although, only as needed, and how do you determine that need?). I guess you'll just have to decide whether you need to call it a pumpkin or not. Presumably you submit your thesis by mail to Professor Revelation's office. 

If it makes you feel any better, I found out that all of my haiku are trash. That's what I get for looking at the article. Curiosity killed the 'ku. 

[rayheinrich]

I must be out of my gourd succumbing to Ray's guilt trippin'

Gourd:

The term "pumpkin" has no botanical meaning and is used to refer to any round, orange squash
in the United States, most typically in the genera Cucurbita. The term "gourd" is used for plants
in the genera Cucurbita and Lagenaria. So, technically, a pumpkin is also a gourd.
https://www.bing.com/search?pglt=673&q=is+a+pumpkin+a+gourd&cvid=adf56355cd004b8a95b63f5eb5dca6b2&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBAgAEAAyBAgAEAAyBQgBEOsHMgQIAhAAMgQIAxAAMgQIBBAAMgQIBRAAMgQIBhAAMgQIBxAAMgQICBAA0gEJMTEwNjdqMGoxqAIAsAIA&FORM=ANNTA1&PC=U531

But you DID, little grasshopper!

And, no doubt inspired by the wizardry of my masterful guilt-induction techniques,
you created an excellent poem.
(I'll take my thanks offline, as not to embarrass you.)

I see what you did there 

So, I finally went and read this thing that's been pinned to the top of the forum forever and ever. It says not to use simile or metaphor in haiku (although, only as needed, and how do you determine that need?). I guess you'll just have to decide whether you need to call it a pumpkin or not. Presumably you submit your thesis by mail to Professor Revelation's office. 

If it makes you feel any better, I found out that all of my haiku are trash. That's what I get for looking at the article. Curiosity killed the 'ku. 

Billy and I went round and round about this, but there's ample metaphor in untold numbers of
excellent haiku. And of the four great masters of haiku: Matsuo Basho, Yosa Buson, Kobayashi Issa,
and Masaoka Shiki; Issa and Shiki used it quite often and to great effect. Issa, by the way,
frequently used human situations and emotions in his haiku. All that stuff, including the 17 syllable
crap, was invented in England after Shiki died by people that really didn't understand Japanese that
well and definitely didn't understand haiku. Then it spread like the plague it was to the US and has
haunted us ever since...


---- Excuse me, I'm going to have to go take some powerful drug or other for the apoplectic fit that
comes over me whenever one of these wretched urban haiku myths surfaces from the festering slime
pit of our pathetic popular culture.