The Dragon’s Dog

[crow]

The Dragon’s Dog

The dragon’s dog was beautiful,
he wanted her to know.
He took her to the festival
to win her “Best in Show.”

Some said oooo, and some said ahhhh
before they screamed and fled.
Some fell on their knees and prayed
to stay the dragon’s dread.

One judge just sat petrified
and raised a perfect ten.
The dragon smiled satisfied,
and razed their fucking tent.

[Knot]

Hi Crow,
it's a little confused, for me, but I like the basic idea.


The dragon’s dog was beautiful,
he wanted her to know. ........................ Realising that the dragon is 'he' takes a moment (and thus loses you momentum)
Perhaps, given the title you might rework the first line? Something like

a [dog breed] was beautiful
he wanted her to know
so took her ....

He took her to the festival
to win her “Best in Show.” ................. To me this reads like 'he' is going to win the competition for her.

Some said oooo, and some said ahhhh ......... can't figure out who they are marvelling at, the dragon or the dog?
before they screamed and fled. .................. I like the oooos and ahhhs, but then you you have 'screamed' which is a bit of a let down.
Some fell on their knees and prayed .......... so you're not slant rhyming this line? Why the break in the pattern?
to stay the dragon’s dread. ........................ This is gibberish, and not in a good way. Can't figure out what you think 'dread' means. You might try overcome with dread.

One judge just sat petrified .................... Why 'one judge'? You don't mention any others so why not avoid raising the question (of what were the others doing) by simply having 'The judge ...'?
and raised a perfect ten. ......................... this doesn't really work. Petrified - turned to stone - but also able to move/raise? Can you change 'and' to 'then'?
The dragon smiled satisfied,
and razed their fucking tent. ................ This doesn't quite work, for me. The profanity after 'oooo' / 'ahhh' / 'screamed' just seems to be trying too hard. And it leaves me with the question did the dragon burn the tent down with the dog in it?


Best, Knot


.

[Wjames]

The Dragon’s Dog

The dragon’s dog was beautiful,
he wanted her to know.
He took her to the festival
to win her “Best in Show.” 

Some said oooo, and some said ahhhh
before they screamed and fled.
Some fell on their knees and prayed  The rhyme scheme holds throughout except here - I think you could make it rhyme and say basically the same without too much trouble.
to stay the dragon’s dread.

One judge just sat petrified
and raised a perfect ten.
The dragon smiled satisfied,
and razed their fucking tent.

Hey crow, the first stanza is in common metre, the next two aren't and the switch trips me up. I think for a light poem like this, the common metre gives it a pleasant rhythm that would be nice if you held it throughout.

To my read, the first and third lines of the second stanza and first line of the third aren't iambic and have seven syllables. The rest of the poem follows common metre with four iambic feet followed by three iambic feet with abab rhymes, and I think it might be nicer if it was in common metre throughout.

[dukealien]

The Dragon’s Dog

The dragon’s dog was beautiful,
he wanted her to know.
He took her to the festival
to win her “Best in Show.”

Some said oooo, and some said ahhhh
before they screamed and fled.
Some fell on their knees and prayed
to stay the dragon’s dread.

One judge just sat petrified
and raised a perfect ten.
The dragon smiled satisfied,
and razed their fucking tent.

Other critics have already given most of the advice I could.  To @Wjames' suggestion of a steady, common meter I'd append that, since it's a light work, don't hesitate to add pretentious little tidbits to make up the numbers.  For example,

Some fell upon their knees and prayed

One judge sat nearly petrified

The dragon smiled, quite satisfied

As for that one two-syllable word, in a spirit of mercy toward those tempted to read this one to the kiddies, how about "bloomin' tent?"

[crow]

I’ve been very distracted by this idiotic poem. I rewrote it to try to be responsive to the critiques:

The dragon’s dog was beautiful,
a perfect Cane Corso.
He took her to the festival
to win him “Best in Show.”

Some said oooo, and some said ahhhh,
they all said aaaaaaaaaaa!, and fled,
but some fell on their knees and prayed
as they burned to death.

But that version is worse not better. And I would like to have never posted the dumb original.

But I ended up with this weird thing.

The Dragon’s Dog
The Judge

There is fear, and the heart learns
from the muscles in the back
how to beat when afraid,
and the mind goes black.

The dragon’s dog is beautiful,
lion on its back, “Perfect!,”
as you apologize
and breathe at at at last.

I don’t want anyone to spend time on this, but I wanted y’all to know that I‘ve been reading and rereading your notes..

[crow]

Wjames, Dukealien,

I’m going to let this one be a sonnet, and I’ll fix there the issues you described.