Posts: 24
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2024
Everything in the house is wrong
A shirt that gets smaller
Everytime I wear it
Laundry that replicates
Without my permission
A stack of Dishes that grow
Even when I don't water them
Oy vey
It's out of my hands
Out of my control
God this chocolate tastes good
I'm going to the movies
Posts: 751
Threads: 409
Joined: May 2014
(08-19-2024, 07:48 AM)SpruceMoose Wrote: Everything in the house is wrong
A shirt that gets smaller
Everytime I wear it
Laundry that replicates
Without my permission
A stack of Dishes that grow
Even when I don't water them
Oy vey
It's out of my hands
Out of my control
God this chocolate tastes good
I'm going to the movies
Hey Spruce. I quite like this bit of fun. I'll leave crit out of it but offer some alternate formatting instead. Granted this might be biased by my own style, but if there's a chance it looks better to you then great...
Everything in the house is wrong;
a shirt that gets smaller
every time I wear it,
laundry that replicates (itself)
without my permission,
a stack of dishes that grow
even when I don't water them.
Oy vey,
it's out of my hands,
out of my control.
God this chocolate tastes good.
I'm going to the movies.
That's just me messing with the messing with some of the punctuation, spacing and Caps. Your poem, just offering perspective.
Posts: 24
Threads: 4
Joined: Aug 2024
(08-19-2024, 08:57 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: (08-19-2024, 07:48 AM)SpruceMoose Wrote: Everything in the house is wrong
A shirt that gets smaller
Everytime I wear it
Laundry that replicates
Without my permission
A stack of Dishes that grow
Even when I don't water them
Oy vey
It's out of my hands
Out of my control
God this chocolate tastes good
I'm going to the movies
Hey Spruce. I quite like this bit of fun. I'll leave crit out of it but offer some alternate formatting instead. Granted this might be biased by my own style, but if there's a chance it looks better to you then great...
Everything in the house is wrong;
a shirt that gets smaller
every time I wear it,
laundry that replicates (itself)
without my permission,
a stack of dishes that grow
even when I don't water them.
Oy vey,
it's out of my hands,
out of my control.
God this chocolate tastes good.
I'm going to the movies.
That's just me messing with the messing with some of the punctuation, spacing and Caps. Your poem, just offering perspective.
Thanks for the feedback, I like that formatting better!
