Confessional.

[ton321]

Covers of flannelette cotton. Eider down.
Feathers that stuck out like tiny needles to prick the skin.
Thin frail thows, see-through and threadbare,
tossed on top to keep the heat in.

Then the duvet came, like a labour saving device,
that weighed next to nothing. I was warm,
and it was easy to make the bed.
You could do it with one arm.

But how I missed the weight of those sheets,
the blankets, those riddled layers,
the coldness of my face, my body heat,
the darkness, my mumbled prayers.

[TrevorConway]

Hi Ton,

The rhymes generally worked well here, in my opinion. Well done, as it can be hard to pull off so many rhymes without them sounding forced. I think the poem was most successful in the last stanza. The tone and ideas there were interesting. In the first two stanzas, the language felt more literal, more information-heavy, in a way that felt a bit flat.

I hope this feedback helps in some way. Feel free to ask any questions.

All the best,

Trevor

[adiaryofjane]

I enjoyed this piece. It doesn't feel fully flushed out tho. The theme is there and I can feel for what your going for I'm just left wanting more...

[CRNDLSM]

I enjoyed this piece. It doesn't feel fully flushed out tho. The theme is there and I can feel for what your going for I'm just left wanting more...

This is not sufficient feedback for this forum, we need details, think about it, elaborate, thanks for participating