Ascension

[Magpie]

(Edit 1 - Bryn)
Ascension

I climbed to the top of the ugliest mountain and sat on the trig point,
smoking a pipe of weed, to watch sun rise from a clear horizon
and throw bronze and gold onto a panoramic vista 
of exquisitely sculpted peaks of the Cairngorms.

Two hours of solitude.

No smart phone taking photos of a Ben Macdui sunrise today.

-- I descended

Passed dozens asking me what it's like at the top.

"It's too late" I shrugged, "You've missed it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Original)  Ascension

I climbed to the top of the ugliest mountain and sat on the trig point,
smoking a pipe of weed, to watch the sunrise over a clear horizon
and throw bronze and golden light onto a panoramic vista 
of exquisitely sculpted peaks of the Cairngorms and beyond.

Two hours of solitude.

No smart phone taking photos of a Ben Macdui sunrise today.

-- I descended

Passed dozens asking me what it's like at the top.

"It's too late" I shrugged, "You've missed it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* note - Ben Macdui is the second tallest mountain in Britain.

Don't mind any critique. I had originally titled it "Ben Macdui and the Nihilist", but didn't want to spoil the twist at the end. Not sure if the nihilistic intention comes across too well without the old title.

[brynmawr1]

Ascension

I climbed to the top of the ugliest mountain and sat on the trig point,  I like the 'ugliest mountain'.  nice point of interest that is unexpected.
smoking a pipe of weed, to watch the sunrise over a clear horizon   how about 'sun rise from...'?  made it more literal. It does something for me.
and throw bronze and golden light onto a panoramic vista        I would change to 'bronze and gold over...' and cut light, as inferred. 
of exquisitely sculpted peaks of the Cairngorms and beyond.   there is something a little awkward with the syntax of this last line. not sure 'and beyond' is needed.

Two hours of solitude.

No smart phone taking photos of a Ben Macdui sunrise today.

-- I descended

Passed dozens asking me what it's like at the top.

"It's too late" I shrugged, "You've missed it."   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* note - Ben Macdui is the second tallest mountain in Britain.

Don't mind any critique. I had originally titled it "Ben Macdui and the Nihilist", but didn't want to spoil the twist at the end. Not sure if the nihilistic intention comes across too well without the old title.

Hi Ambrosia,

I enjoyed this.  Made a few suggestions.  My daughter is in her second year at St. Andrews but I haven't had much opportunity to tour Scotland yet.  Hiking Ben Macdui is now on the list.  Beautiful country!
Take care
Bryn

[Magpie]

Hi Ambrosia,

I enjoyed this.  Made a few suggestions.  My daughter is in her second year at St. Andrews but I haven't had much opportunity to tour Scotland yet.  Hiking Ben Macdui is now on the list.  Beautiful country!
Take care
Bryn

Thanks Bryn, some good suggestions there that solve a couple of problems I had. I did want 'onto' in the third line to be 'over' so changing the first 'over' makes this work. It also makes good sense to cut 'light'. I'm also not sure about the 'and beyond' at the end of the first sentence. It wasn't there originally but then I put it in to express the overall expanse of the view.

I'll think on it and make the edits in a couple of days.

Thanks for the thoughts, they were very useful.

Much appreciated

and Yes, Scotland is very much worth touring, especially the west coast, that's where I'm headed today for the weekend, Ulapool.

Cheers again