Shadow Boxer

[Bunx]

*edit refects a shift in subject to kung fu movie culture original within replies*


Shadow Boxer 

Shadow boxing gives me comfort 
I spar in secret throughout dark.
Stark is the contrast to light  
where there's reflection there is might.

My outlined silhouette better than I
manifesting sorcerer spells like a kite.
Reflecting fearlessness why care?
Does a shadow share an imprisoned snare?

Shame in a psych ward psychiatrist
attempting to sterilize me.
"Judge, jury, executioner, family,
innocence is what I plead."

Shadow boxing publicized delusions
that take over me? Doctor realize
mistakes, fears framed in love unravelling,
I am man, hallucinating everything.

The hardest part, is destroying me
When I wake from dreams
inside hospital walls within blanket seams.
Shadow boxer fears realities ignorant fiends.

[dukealien]

Yup, the high-noon boxer-shadow's scary:  hard to reach, and liable to hit you below the belt!

As for that moon-boxer, he's no problem:  the window bars keep him out, don't they?

[Bunx]

Hahaha something like that (kung fu movie lover)

[Tiger the Lion]

Shadow Boxer

Shadow boxing gives me comfort 
I dribble in the dark.
Stark is the contrast to light  
where there's reflection there is might.

My dark silhouette better than I
manifesting magician as if a kite.
Reflecting fearlessness why care.
Does a shadow share isolation snare.

Texting or not, pissing waiting
attempting to sterilize me.
"Judge, jury, executioner, family.
Innocence is what I plead."

Shadow boxing publicize criticize
they take over me, and hypnotize.
Realize this destruction is simply
AI's, cellphone, malfunction destruction.

The hardest part, a destroying moon
when I wake from Sandman's tomb
inside hospital walls within blankets womb.
Shadow boxer fears high noon.


*Hmm anyone think I should post in mild crit eeeek*
Im scarred to

Ultimately we would prefer the bulk of poems to be posted for crit eeeek*. There are exceptions for "Fun" and "Misc" but in the end opinions come anyway, and the critical forums are the heart of the site. On a personal note (and I only say this because you've already spoke of it publicly) if you feel like you're on a bit of a manic swing and have more poems than critiques in you, that is not an issue in the short term, so long as it balances out over time. I've been there myself and would hate for a long term member to drop a poem in the arse simply because they don't have a valid crit in them at the moment. Anyway, you asked for opinions. That's my half-Mod-half-member's opinion.

[Bunx]

Could we move it to the mild crit?
I have been making an effort to comment on others work more, I think folks are finding my comments useful, at first I used a cuss word which I switched out for something a little more...sterol

Also I appreciate the recognition writing has been a much needed use of free time. Honestly therapeutic as well as well at critiquing. Marks poem two gloves for example has stuck with me. Like a life goal for tomorrow and the rest after present.

[Quixilated]

Could we move it to the mild crit?

Hey, Bunx, sorry I didn’t see this until today.  It has been moved.    Happy workshopping!

[Bunx]

Thank you!! No worries

[alexhenning]

Hi, friend,

Your poem has a raw intensity that grips the reader right from the beginning. The metaphor of "shadow boxing" as a symbol of internal struggle is incredibly powerful, and you use it to evoke a sense of fighting unseen battles, both physically and mentally. I love the interplay between light and dark, particularly in lines like "where there's reflection there is might." This gives a sense that the shadow itself—though an illusion—can become a powerful force or a reflection of strength. The transition from the personal (sparring in secret) to a broader commentary on judgment and societal pressures is impactful, especially with the line "Judge, jury, executioner, family, innocence is what I plead." It feels like an earnest confession of battling both inner demons and external perceptions. The imagery in the final stanza, of waking up in hospital walls and "shadow boxer fears realities ignorance fiends," is haunting and encapsulates the exhaustion of facing both hallucinations and reality.

As far as critiques go; while the poem's intensity is compelling, there are moments where the narrative could be more cohesive. The line "Texting or not, pissing waiting, attempting to sterilize me" feels a bit abrupt in tone and may benefit from further clarification or smoother integration into the overall flow. This section introduces a new layer of commentary but shifts the focus quickly, which can pull the reader out of the emotional arc. Additionally, you might consider tightening up some of the imagery around "phantoms, dreams, memories unravelling"—it's evocative, but giving the reader more context or details about what these hallucinations entail could deepen the emotional impact. Lastly, exploring the shadow boxer motif further throughout the poem could create an even stronger thread, helping to unify the narrative more tightly.

Great job, and keep writing! (:

[Bunx]

Alex thanks so much for the helpful feedback. I took your suggestions adding more personal details where highlighted as well as switched ignorance to "ignorant fiends"

[carahmellow]

*edit refects a shift in subject to kung fu movie culture original within replies*


Shadow Boxer 

Shadow boxing gives me comfort 
I spar in secret throughout dark.
Stark is the contrast to light  
where there's reflection there is might.

My outlined silhouette better than I
manifesting sorcerer spells like a kite.
Reflecting fearlessness why care. - Not sure i understand this line (maybe its the wording or punctuation?)
Does a shadow share an imprisoned snare?

Shame in a psych ward psychiatrist
attempting to sterilize me.
"Judge, jury, executioner, family, (love this line and the next)
innocence is what I plead."

Shadow boxing publicized delusions
that take over me? Doctor realize
mistakes, fears framed in love unravelling,
I am man, hallucinating everything.

The hardest part, is destroying me
When I wake from dreams
inside hospital walls within blanket seams.
Shadow boxer fears realities ignorant fiends.

I like this poem a lot and I think you have a really great skill with words and metephors, but i'm not sure I'm catching what youre trying to throw. Sometimes I find poetry that is too vague a little hard to read, and not quite as enjoyable. I think maybe a clearer msg might help a little bit, and it might also help the overall flow. but that is just my preference of course. 

[Bunx]

Hey Carah! I can see why the stanza is confusing (it was supposed to be question). The denotative meaning of that line is why would something intangible like a shadow have fear of consequences.

Thanks for the suggestions and feedback!