Revolutions Swallow
#1
Revolutions Swallow

When forced with a choice
he becomes an imploding blossom 
hiding from reality non-defiant 
this man is compliant.

Freedom is a choice
for those who fear and follow.
Contractual agreement,
feathers quills inked bones hollow.

Caged swallow clipped wings,
songs sung under breath.
Melody mending ones own heart.
Revolutions songs mountains apart.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
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#2
(10-02-2024, 11:03 PM)Bunx Wrote:  Revolutions Swallow

When forced with a choice
he becomes an imploding blossom 
hiding from reality non-defiant 
this man is compliant.

Freedom is a choice
for those who fear and follow.
Contractual agreement,
feathers quills inked bones hollow.

Caged swallow clipped wings,
songs sung under breath.
Melody mending ones own heart.
Revolutions songs mountains apart.

This is very well done.  The variable rhyme scheme (plus a sort of meaning-rhyme with "follow - agreement" and "breath - heart") is challenging, in a good way.  The last two lines are a kind of turn, foreshadowed by the title.

Having said all that, first thought on seeing the title was to append a historical commonplace to make, "Revolutions swallow their children."  Perhaps an apostrophe would deter such mischief.

In the same vein, there's a terrible temptation to force another current poem's title into "Hands I never held - a straight royal flush."  Blush 
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
Duke thank you for the feedback!
The title is one I'm back and forth on, the lack of apostrophe was in hopes to see the universal nature of the poem. One could argue a double meaning makes sense to, revolutions swallowing pride ect.

Not quite a royal flush but I'm trying Wink.

Hope you're good Duke appreciate your time
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
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#4
Nicely done Bunx,
I particularly like the line 'he becomes an imploding blossom', it is an excellent image.

Cheers for the read
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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#5
Hey thanks Magpie!!
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
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