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Joined: May 2013
Oahu
Sand covers feet
an ant crawls near.
People in the ocean
smaller with distance.
Planes fly there,
tourists come and go.
Ponder perspective
self in reflection.
Just like the beach,
city, mud, or mountains
ants crawl nearby.
Growing small with distance.
Do ants think about resilience?
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 8
Threads: 2
Joined: Feb 2025
Hello!
i love the motif of ants and beaches/island.
I think the “this” in “planes fly TO THIS island,” is a little unnecessary and may sound better with “the”
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Joined: Mar 2025
Good morning (at least where I am) I read this last night but needed to think about it a bit before posting a reply. It seems to me from the first stanza that you are using ants as a reference for scale both size and distance. I don’t see the link between scale (ants versus humans or people seen from a distance) and tourists pondering scale. I feel that this conceptual link needs more development in the second and third stanzas. The final phrase seems disconnected from the rest of the poem. I don’t understand the connection between scale, people pondering perspective or reflecting and resilience.
You have made me yearn for the feeling of sand on my feet and for vast views over the water.
Posts: 471
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Joined: Dec 2017
(02-14-2025, 04:18 PM)Bunx Wrote: Oahu
Sand covers feet
an ant crawls near.
People in the ocean
smaller with distance.
Planes fly there,
tourists come and go.
Ponder perspective
self in reflection.
Just like the beach,
city, mud, or mountains
ants crawl nearby.
Growing small with distance.
Do ants think about resilience?
I like the juxtaposition of people in the distance, and ants. Both go everywhere.
I don't think the last line is needed. The poem does well as an observational piece. Questions are implied.
Nice one.
