Saint Marilyn

[saintlikeface-ghostlikesoul]

I
A babe begotten in June,
emerges with truth in her eyes—
refuses to take milk, to suck.
The nurses exchange glances, unnerved.

A Sunday school sweetheart,
china doll spinning vowels,
vowels spinning, soft as prayer,
hallowed be the gentle refrain of 
words, rivers, words again.
Fingers play at cotton sleeve, velvet ribbon.

A bride, poring over Joyce,
fingernail spirals on her thigh,
feels for Molly, for Anna Livia—
riverrun deeper than prayer.
a knot tightens round her heart,
a strand of hair, sharp, sticky—
grips, twists. 

II
All-American girl, candylips,
O, how they drove to uproar
at the contour of your hips!

Beside me in the taxi,
you see your lover in the moon,
Turn outward, cracked mirror—
a silvery disc in the breathfog glass.
You hug yourself, pull your coat tighter.

Last night you dreamt of
snake coiled around egg,
dislocated jaw—
a crunch, a pop,
the precious yolk devoured,
the promise of love undone.

[Magpie]

Interesting poem you got here, I'm not getting all the references. I've left a couple of thoughts below.

I
A babe begotten in June,
emerges with truth in her eyes—
refuses to take milk, to suck.
The nurses exchange glances, unnerved. - this last line seems awkward

A Sunday school sweetheart, - drop 'A' it reads better
china doll spinning vowels,
vowels spinning, soft as prayer, - not sure about the repetition of 'spinning vowels' even if it is reversed 
hallowed be the gentle refrain of  - is this a Catholic reference?
words, rivers, words again.
Fingers play at cotton sleeve, velvet ribbon.

A bride, poring over Joyce,
fingernail spirals on her thigh,
feels for Molly, for Anna Livia—
riverrun deeper than prayer.
a knot tightens round her heart,
a strand of hair, sharp, sticky—
grips, twists.               - again these last two lines seem awkward compared to the rest of the stanza

II
All-American girl, candylips,
O, how they drove to uproar
at the contour of your hips!

Beside me in the taxi, - questions about the narrators identity 
you see your lover in the moon,
Turn outward, cracked mirror—
a silvery disc in the breathfog glass.
You hug yourself, pull your coat tighter.

Last night you dreamt of
a snake coiled around an egg, - just to make it read better
a dislocated jaw—
a crunch, a pop,
the precious yolk devoured,
the promise of love undone. - excellent last stanza

Good poem, the second part is far superior especially that last stanza. This seems to be the heart of the poem. I feel like the first section could benefit from some slight trimming and tidying up a bit.

Cheers for the read

[RiverNotch]

I
A babe begotten in June,
emerges with truth in her eyes---
refuses to take milk, to suck.
The nurses exchange glances, unnerved.

Remove the comma at the end of line one.
Not sure if "to suck" and "unnerved" are needed. On a strictly informational sense, they're redundant, but "to suck" does give emphasis, and "unnerved" does echo "nurses".

A Sunday school sweetheart,
china doll spinning vowels,
vowels spinning, soft as prayer,
hallowed be the gentle refrain of
words, rivers, words again.
Fingers play at cotton sleeve, velvet ribbon.

Move "of" in the fourth line of this stanza to the start of the next.
Replace "at" in the sixth line with "with".
Having terms recur with "spinning vowels, / vowels spinning" and "of words, rivers, words again" is duly evocative.

A bride, poring over Joyce,
fingernail spirals on her thigh,
feels for Molly, for Anna Livia—
riverrun deeper than prayer.
a knot tightens round her heart,
a strand of hair, sharp, sticky—
grips, twists.

"spirals" in the second line should be a gerund: "A bride, poring over Joyce, / fingernail spiraling on her thigh,".
Capitalize "a" at the start of the fifth line.
Maybe replace comma at the end of the fifth line with a colon or an em dash.
Would prefer to remove the em dash at the end of the sixth line.
I need to read more Joyce, but I get the references.

II
All-American girl, candylips,
O, how they drove to uproar
at the contour of your hips!

Maybe capitalize "candylips".
"Oh" rather than "O".
The first two stanzas, as well as this one, clearly evoke the most famous Marilyn for me, but the third one, though lovely, is elusive. Did Miss Monroe ever read Joyce, or referred to his works throughout her life? For that particular stanza, I imagined some Irish girl standing on a bridge---I initially misread its second word---pondering over the River Liffey....
At any rate, my initial impression of this specific stanza was that it seemed too...crass...especially compared to the rest of the piece, what with the somewhat forced rhyme between "lips" and "hips", but now I think the crassness is the point, considering how crass the proverbial "they" here are.

Beside me in the taxi,
you see your lover in the moon,
Turn outward, cracked mirror—
a silvery disc in the breathfog glass.
You hug yourself, pull your coat tighter.

Comma in second line should be period.
Maybe replace em dash at the end of the third line with a colon.
The first time in the poem we encounter the first person. I'm sure what's being evoked here is the idea of a friend, or maybe a stranger, addressing Marilyn as she rides the same taxi, having evaded the paparazzi, but nothing is not opaque enough to support that.

Last night you dreamt of
snake coiled around egg,
dislocated jaw—
a crunch, a pop,
the precious yolk devoured,
the promise of love undone.

That everything is opaque, at least to someone who is neither very familiar with the Hollywood star nor with the Irish author, isn't to say it's all too abstract---quite the contrary, I think---nor that it isn't evocative. The general sentiment I get is concern, the general idea something often expressed in feminist thought....lovely work.