Posts: 36
Threads: 13
Joined: Mar 2025
Here, i shall build
a grand cathedral—
each stone
lovingly cauterized
to preserve the whispers
that permeate its hide;
each window
desperately stained
by a fading rainbow
shedding its wretched skin;
each altar
indifferently crafted by
the foot of god
for its devout insects;
each mural
paints itself
onto oblique walls
(starting from their tears)—
so when the moon sets,
and the son doesn't rise,
i shall preach at the altar
to listen for reverent echoes.
Posts: 42
Threads: 10
Joined: Jul 2024
I like this although I do have a couple of suggestions, which you may feel free to ignore ;0)
(04-12-2025, 11:40 AM)poetry_zealot Wrote: Here, i shall build is the lower case "i" here intentional?
a grand cathedral— I think that a Catherdral would be great not grand, a hotel is grand. And the great is probably redundant perhaps?
each stone
lovingly cauterized Not sure if there is a more apt word here to use than cauterized, maybe sealed?
to preserve the whispers
that permeate its hide;
each window
desperately stained
by a fading rainbow
shedding its wretched skin;
Love this verse
each altar
indifferently crafted by
the foot of god
for its devout insects;
each mural
paints itself
onto oblique walls
(starting from their tears)—
Not sure this makes sense?
so when the moon sets,
and the son doesn't rise,
i shall preach at the altar
to listen for reverent echoes.
Posts: 21
Threads: 6
Joined: Apr 2025
Reading this poem a few times it hit me how powerful the images and the juxtaposition of what one thinks a cathedral should represent:
second stanza: "cauterized" and "hide"
third stanza: "desperately" "shedding" "wretched" "skin"
fourth stanza: "indifferently", "devout insects"
fifth stanza: "oblique" "tears"
and the final stanza just a masterpiece of bringing it all together.
TL;DR Love it, don't change a thing. This is grand. This is a cathedral. Thank you for sharing.