The Broken Lines

[The_system_screams]

they are where
    language limps
        and still chooses to walk.

they are
     the trace of breath
catching
     on the jagged edge
                                       of trying.

they come
  from the fracture
    between thought and form—
      between the word you meant
        and the one that arrived
          bruised,
               almost right.

they are
    topography
      of emotion unmastered—
the syntax of rupture,
  the grammar of ache,
          the rhythm of resistance.

they represent
  what doesn’t fit
    but insists
      on being
        rendered anyway.

so i break
  the line
    like a promise,
      like a breath too heavy to carry in one mouthful—
not because it’s over,
        but because
            it continues.
elsewhere.
always.

[poetry_zealot]

they are where
    language limps
        and still chooses to walk.                 I think you can push this line back a bit to make the structure actually stumble like the limp you said in the previous line.

they are
     the trace of breath                                   Same thing here, this could be moved back just a tiny bit so the two lines overlap just a bit so the reader gets a trace of the next line.
catching
     on the jagged edge
                                       of trying.                   This works beautifully. Well done.

they come
  from the fracture
    between thought and form—                                You could perhaps space out thought and form on the same line to actually fracture them.
      between the word you meant
        and the one that arrived
          bruised,
               almost right.                  Spacing between these last two lines could be a masterclass. Well done.

they are
    the topography
      of emotion, unmastered—
the syntax of rupture,
  ----------------------------------------------------->the grammar of ache,
          the rhythm of resistance.

they represent
  what doesn’t fit
    but insists
      on being
        rendered anyway.            Just beautiful the way you organized these last three lines. The way it slowly breaks out from the 2nd line of this stanza is wonderful.

so i break
  the line
    like a promise,
      like a breath too heavy to carry in one mouthful—         What's highlighted in red is not necessary and kind of makes the line slightly clunky to read. 
not because it’s over,
        ----->but because
            ------------->it continues.                   Don't be afraid to emphasize the spacing when it should matter.
elsewhere.
always.                           You can separate the last two lines of your poem. It emphasizes the "elsewhere" in your penultimate line and gives the poem space that the reader can fill.

As always, your poems are a pleasure to read and annotate and your unique structure never fails to impress. Your command of space has become more intricate and refined in this piece and it shows. Personally, I think you're being somewhat reserved with the space you're given. Don't be afraid to leave blank space in the middle of the poem, if done well, it tells more, if done wrong, it teaches. Feel free to experiment with your spacing more. And as always, I look forward to your future pieces.

[The_system_screams]

Thank you for your wonderful and constructive criticism poetry_zealot, always eye opening and always hits where it needs to. Thank you, I'll take it to heart and try to push the spaces even more where warranted.