A Personal Orchestra

[poetry_zealot]

Sometimes, i wish an instrument
accompanied every emotion:
to cower behind a tangible sound,
to see past seeing.


A marching band to warn
of approaching greed,
the sound of snares gets
inevitably fatter to hide the husk.


An elegant cello,
somberly still with
the starving: its crescendo is
roughly drowned by the trumpets.


An old harpsichord
for that sly swindler,
its unerring pitch will surely
correct those honey-laced words.


And a triangle
so i can call wolf
whenever safety nestles
near my distant doorstep.

[dukealien]

Sometimes, i wish an instrument
accompanied every emotion:  perhaps "each" to rhyme "emotion"
to cower behind a tangible sound,  so narrator can cower, or the sound can?    next line says it's narrator
to see past seeing.  point is well made, though not quite logical.  Good!


A marching band to warn  that's many instruments, not one, for one emotion (greed)
of approaching greed,
the sound of snares gets  nice alliteration, with the "t" for snare drum 
inevitably fatter to hide the husk.  I assume "fatter" is a percussionist's term for modulating the drum, but "husk" doesn't follow aside from the word's sound


An elegant cello,  another fine alliteration
somberly still with  perhaps relocate comma from last line to after "still"
the starving: its crescendo is  starving people?  starvation isn't an emotion (though it sounds well here).  And is "is" necessary?
roughly drowned by the trumpets.  perhaps drop "the" 


An old harpsichord  needs a more descriptive word than "old," perhaps - "ancient" or the like
for that sly swindler,  again, not an emotion (but well drawn)
its unerring pitch will surely  lovely connection, "pitch" with swindler
correct those honey-laced words.   "correct" does not seem to fit... perhaps "gild" or "sweeten"


And a triangle
so i can call wolf  call wolf to supper, the ranch cook's dinner gong?
whenever safety nestles
near my distant doorstep. so safety is some edible beast, a sheep perhaps?  Orchestral triangle (first thought) doesn't fit

In moderate critique:

A lot of odd and interesting word choices here.  Most notes above concern those which don't fit the announced theme of instruments for *emotions*.  Hunger is an emotional state; starvation isn't (much as addiction is emotional while drug withdrawal and tolerance are physical).  The last stanza is puzzling, for example, because the emotion discussed seems to be feeling of safety and security.

In a couple of cases words seem to have been chosen more for sound than meaning - for example, "near my distant doorstep."  These form good assemblies of sound, but the reader struggles to invent an interpretation where they make sense.

The ruling metaphor, also announced in the title, is a good one.  That it's loosely followed in the body of the work is puzzling, though the sounds and arresting turns of phrase help the reader persevere.    In editing, it will be a job making the metaphor more coherent without losing the interesting wording - if you decide to work it that way.