Six Words

[meadzbabyy]

Have you ever burned with the need to get out?
To scream so loud the silence morphed to life,
only to find your voice herded into
a throat-shaped cage that drills you to follow
not your will, but a map they’ve already set,
etched in the marrow of this dying today.

Your tongue stirs awake, but today
you speak only six words, the rest blinked out,
like stars beneath a curfew someone set.
Your fire banked low, the blueprint of your life
drowned. You run, but ghosts will follow,
shadows pressing their knees as you fall into.

There’s nothing left but walls to break into,
laws welded from ash that still govern today.
They say, be wild like fire, but demand you follow
smoke’s collapse, exiled again and burned out
by fumes that feast on memory and life,
while swearing everything was rightly set.

The standard clutches so tight, your eyes set
into stone. You scream, but the cry folds into
dust. Old titans’ laws shackle your life—
their iron hymns forever playing loud today,
still birthing scripts you’re told to live out,
still laughing when you flinch, still shouting follow.

Who am I kidding? You were born to follow.
You bowed so long, your spine just set.
It’s easier to rot in riches than flame out,
to sip old lies and never dive into
the silence buried under all of today,
where something raw once lived and called it life.

So here we sit, just echoes imitating life,
watching weak fires flicker. We hope it follows
through, but we know: the structure owns today.
I still dream of sun, though it long since set.
I don’t want survival; I want to fall into
a blaze that doesn’t ask me to burn out.

Well, my friend, today is the toll I pay for life.
I’ve broken out of the maze—will you still follow?
Let’s run into the fire. Only our burnt skin will be set.

[nana]

Have you ever burned with the need to get out?
To scream so loud the silence morphed to life,
only to find your voice herded into
a throat-shaped cage that drills you to follow. Love this! feels like there so much piling up that you need to say, but you can't because it's locked in a cage
not your will, but a map they’ve already set,
etched in the marrow of this dying today.

Your tongue stirs awake, but today
you speak only six words, the rest blinked out, This line doesn't really make sense to me because it doesn't flow with the image of speaking or the tongue
like stars beneath a curfew someone set.
Your fire banked low, the blueprint of your life
drowned. You run, but ghosts will follow,
shadows pressing their knees as you fall into. Fall into what?

There’s nothing left but walls to break into, 
laws welded from ash that still govern today.
They say, be wild like fire, but demand you follow  Who is they?
smoke’s collapse, exiled again and burned out
by fumes that feast on memory and life,
while swearing everything was rightly set.

The standard clutches so tight, your eyes set
into stone. You scream, but the cry folds into
dust. Old titans’ laws shackle your life—
their iron hymns forever playing loud today,
still birthing scripts you’re told to live out,
still laughing when you flinch, still shouting follow.

Who am I kidding? You were born to follow.
You bowed so long, your spine just set.
It’s easier to rot in riches than flame out,
to sip old lies and never dive into
the silence buried under all of today,
where something raw once lived and called it life.

So here we sit, just echoes imitating life,
watching weak fires flicker. We hope it follows
through, but we know: the structure owns today.
I still dream of sun, though it long since set.
I don’t want survival; I want to fall into
a blaze that doesn’t ask me to burn out. I like the passion behind a blaze that doesn't burn you out

Well, my friend, today is the toll I pay for life. 
I’ve broken out of the maze—will you still follow?  How did you get out of the maze? Was it by dying?
Let’s run into the fire. Only our burnt skin will be set. 

Overall this poem is very broad with very good descriptive lines. It seems like you are circling around an enemy but never really identifying it or you change it throughout the poem. At one points it's the silence, another it's the standard law and then it's a maze that everyone has to go through. I think it would help if you became more specific in some of the areas. Also ending the lines in the poem with the same words over and over again got a bit repetitive and messed up the flow of the poem, in my opinion.

[brynmawr1]

Have you ever burned with the need to get out?  be?
To scream so loud the silence morphed to life,   morphs into?
only to find your voice herded into  finding?   'into' is not a strong break, would actually recommend breaking at voice moving 'into' to next line
a throat-shaped cage that drills you to follow  consider breaking after 'cage' and in the next line emphasize 'drills' by repetition, and maybe use a stronger, unexpected word
not your will, but a map they’ve already set,
etched in the marrow of this dying today.   this seems like overreach and self-indulgent.

Your tongue stirs awake, but today  A tongue stirred...., this seems stronger and more interesting to me.
you speak only six words, the rest blinked out,  cut comma
like stars beneath a curfew someone set.     curfews are always set by someone, so implied
Your fire banked low, the blueprint of your life
drowned. You run, but ghosts will follow,
shadows pressing their knees as you fall into.

There’s nothing left but walls to break into,
laws welded from ash that still govern today.  welded from ash, laws that govern today.  'still' seems redundant.
They say, be wild like fire, but demand you follow  Be like wild fire, they said, then demand/
smoke’s collapse, exiled again and burned out   you follow smoke's collapse, exiled again/  though I don't find collapsing smoke that enlightening regarding the poem
by fumes that feast on memory and life,   burned by fumes that feast on memory
while swearing everything was rightly set.

The standard clutches so tight, your eyes set
into stone. You scream, but the cry folds into  move 'into' to next line
dust. Old titans’ laws shackle your life—
their iron hymns forever playing loud today,    iron hymns is good
still birthing scripts you’re told to live out,   'birthing' seems over done
still laughing when you flinch, still shouting follow. "follow", or shouting - follow!

Who am I kidding? You were born to follow.
You bowed so long, your spine just set.  is? cut comma
It’s easier to rot in riches than flame out,
to sip old lies and never dive into  this is really nice.  move 'into' to next line
the silence buried under all of today,
where something raw once lived and called it life.

So here we sit, just echoes imitating life,
watching weak fires flicker. We hope it follows
through, but we know: the structure owns today.
I still dream of sun, though it long since set.
I don’t want survival; I want to fall into  need? and, again, move 'into' to next line
a blaze that doesn’t ask me to burn out.

Well, my friend, today is the toll I pay for life.
I’ve broken out of the maze—will you still follow?
Let’s run into the fire. Only our burnt skin will be set.

HI Meadzbabyy,
I have offered a number of suggestions about how to change the language to add some more punch, but I will be honest, I am not sure what this is about.  The change from you to I then we makes it hard to parse.  I get the sense that the 'I' and 'you' are the some entity but I don't see enough continuity to confirm that.  The form seems a bit clunky for what's here.  Consider significant paring into a more lyrical style.  You will have to kill some darlings, no doubt, but there is a lot to work with here.
Take care,
Bryn
PS Maybe I just missed it, but what are the six words?  Keeping it a secret isn't helping.