Morning Star

[milo]

Morning Star


Jove grows restless now
and wanders through the garden
taking peace in all that he has made

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name
in whispers caught by elephant ears

but what was it that Michael said 
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear


and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.

[busker]

I like the idea of a reimagining of the creation myth, of Yahweh being Jove and Michael being Lucifer. But I can’t understand Michael’s tale. The Olympians overthrew the Titans, so Jove wouldn’t need that story told. Unless this is a different universe, and the story worked out differently. At that point, this isn’t Jove. It’s all a little confusing and distracts from enjoying the lines.

Maybe the whole problem is Jove. A non Greek god, a Nigerian god, would do well.
I don’t think Jove-is-Allah packs that much of a punch.

[milo]

I like the idea of a reimagining of the creation myth, of Yahweh being Jove and Michael being Lucifer. But I can’t understand Michael’s tale. The Olympians overthrew the Titans, so Jove wouldn’t need that story told. Unless this is a different universe, and the story worked out differently. At that point, this isn’t Jove. It’s all a little confusing and distracts from enjoying the lines.

Maybe the whole problem is Jove. A non Greek god, a Nigerian god, would do well.
I don’t think Jove-is-Allah packs that much of a punch.

I did dedicate a whole line in the poem explaining that Michael is definitely not lucifer so I am not sure this is coming through.  My intent was never a Jove is Allah so perhaps that is part of the problem

Thanks for reading and commenting

[Mark A Becker]

Hi Milo -

Morning Star I think of Venus


Jove grows restless now I think of Jove as Jupiter
and wanders through the garden so, Jupiter is not in the sky?
taking peace in all that he has made so, Jove is the Roamn god, then?

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber this very earthly imagery throws me

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name back to Jove being god
in whispers caught by elephant ears

but what was it that Michael said hmm? where did Michael come from?
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear


and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.

I stopped in-line comments after becoming confused. I sense a poem about myths regarding God and creation, but wound up scratching my head. The poem made me feel like I needed to research creation myths; like I was missing something crucial to understanding what you're trying to convey.
All that said, I do like the final line. In one creation myth, God makes Man from clay, so how can Man already exist, demanding to take form; to be made? It's the lead-up to that line that leaves me feeling that the poem is a creation myth about creation myths.

[milo]

Hi Milo -

Morning Star I think of Venus


Jove grows restless now I think of Jove as Jupiter
and wanders through the garden so, Jupiter is not in the sky?
taking peace in all that he has made so, Jove is the Roamn god, then?

as beetles dig beneath the ground
to find his face
in every outstretched eye of every tuber  this very earthly imagery throws me

and all along the path the leaves of figs
and dragon-fruit call out his name back to Jove being god
in whispers caught by elephant ears

but what was it that Michael said hmm? where did Michael come from?
when asked by Jove, Tell me a tale
and Michael told a tale of Gods:

A tale of Nymphs, frolicking at play,
and Titans - mighty in their strength,
of climbing Gods and falling Gods

and how they glowed in triumph
of how they reveled in the fray
and in the end of how they failed.

Jove was captured with delight
so he declared, I will be one of those
and you will disobey and quake with fear


and Michael sheepishly agreed
to call him God but after all
the elbow cannot disobey the ear

so Jove forgave and placed him
back upon the shelf
and hid his form behind the morning star

leaving him to wander by himself.
And somehow Jove has come upon the clay -
and here is man demanding to be made.

I stopped in-line comments after becoming confused. I sense a poem about myths regarding God and creation, but wound up scratching my head. The poem made me feel like I needed to research creation myths; like I was missing something crucial to understanding what you're trying to convey.
All that said, I do like the final line. In one creation myth, God makes Man from clay, so how can Man already exist, demanding to take form; to be made? It's the lead-up to that line that leaves me feeling that the poem is a creation myth about creation myths.

Jove seems to throw a lot of people but it was initially just a term that meant "father god" or "main god" that was eventually applied to Jupiter who the Romans considered the main god.

Michael is the Christian Michael
Morning Star is another term for Lucifer

In this, Jove (god) is walking through the garden recalling a conversation he had with Michael before he comes to terms that Angels just won't do - hence the concept of man (demanding to be made) just as he happens upon the clay of creation

Thank you for reading and commenting

[Magpie]

The title initially throws people off because of the connection with Venus and then that seems to create a connection with Jupiter through Jove.

Jove could be changed to 'Father' but I think it spoils the poem because it becomes clear by the end that Jove is God.

Could the title be changed, especially considering that it is used within the poem to great effect.

Would 'Lucifer' be too obvious a title? 
Light Bearer? Bringer of Light? -- Too cryptic

Just a couple of thoughts, the rest is excellent, although it requires some knowledge of the bible it reads well and makes sense, the last two strophes are particularly good.

Cheers for the read.

[rowens]

Venus is the Evening Star and Lucifer is the Morning Star, and they are the same Planet.

Michael looks like God, actually is as much God as the other Angels.

I know because I interact with them daily.

Michael, after all, was there when all the old myths were warring. His twin brother is as much Prometheus as Hermes.

This is why the poem can shift without explanations given.

[dukealien]

Coming to this late, and having skimmed the other critiques... a common thread seems to be the title and confusion with Venus/Aphrodite/morning star.  Could the title be, "Son of the Morning" per Isaiah and also referring to the edge of the human event horizon?

The buildup in the first three stanzas is nice, setting the stage.  Using Michael gives the myth a good whack to get the reader's attention - not Hermes or Pluto (or Vulcan, who took a Lucifer-like fall).  And we end up with a solo god, explained.  It's all games.  Appropriately, there are no female characters:  it's a boys' game.

The extra white space before "and Michael sheepishly agreed" gives or portrays a little pause.  There was resistance.

Capitalizing "Gods" when referring to Greek gods as well as the (here fictional or role-playing) unitary God works nicely to make that distinction, or lack thereof.

I'm at a loss for suggestions beyond the title change.  The story is the story, no one myth, or myths at play.  It's fun; making it clearer would reduce the power of the mixed allusions to amuse.

[milo]

The title initially throws people off because of the connection with Venus and then that seems to create a connection with Jupiter through Jove.

Jove could be changed to 'Father' but I think it spoils the poem because it becomes clear by the end that Jove is God.

Could the title be changed, especially considering that it is used within the poem to great effect.

Would 'Lucifer' be too obvious a title? 
Light Bearer? Bringer of Light? -- Too cryptic

Just a couple of thoughts, the rest is excellent, although it requires some knowledge of the bible it reads well and makes sense, the last two strophes are particularly good.

Cheers for the read.

Thank you very much for reading and commenting.

I actually love the sound of "Morning Star" as a title but I will consider changing it.  It doesn't bother me too much if people are confused after the first couple readings because most poems I like I have to read a few times as well. 

Still, maybe I will try changing it and see how it feels.  Probably not Lucifer though because it feels a little too Goth for my taste.

Once again, thanks.

---

Coming to this late, and having skimmed the other critiques... a common thread seems to be the title and confusion with Venus/Aphrodite/morning star.  Could the title be, "Son of the Morning" per Isaiah and also referring to the edge of the human event horizon?

The buildup in the first three stanzas is nice, setting the stage.  Using Michael gives the myth a good whack to get the reader's attention - not Hermes or Pluto (or Vulcan, who took a Lucifer-like fall).  And we end up with a solo god, explained.  It's all games.  Appropriately, there are no female characters:  it's a boys' game.

The extra white space before "and Michael sheepishly agreed" gives or portrays a little pause.  There was resistance.

Capitalizing "Gods" when referring to Greek gods as well as the (here fictional or role-playing) unitary God works nicely to make that distinction, or lack thereof.

I'm at a loss for suggestions beyond the title change.  The story is the story, no one myth, or myths at play.  It's fun; making it clearer would reduce the power of the mixed allusions to amuse.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.  I agree that making it too clear would probably weaken it substantially.

I am considering other title changes.  It's weird that I never even considered the Venus reference until it was brought up.  We are all blinded by our own vision sometimes.

Thanks

---

Venus is the Evening Star and Lucifer is the Morning Star, and they are the same Planet.

Michael looks like God, actually is as much God as the other Angels.

I know because I interact with them daily.

Michael, after all, was there when all the old myths were warring. His twin brother is as much Prometheus as Hermes.

This is why the poem can shift without explanations given.

Thanks for commenting, rowens, it is always nice when you chime in.