A train of thought

[Smiley]

Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

[wasellajam]

Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

Hi, Smiley, good to see you expanding your poetry. 

The first four lines have a pleasant, consistent meter but not much meaning for me. The meter seems to get more careless is the next four lines but not completely abandoned. Now you're expressing something even if it's a bit hokey. "That is my point that Is my goal" is just empty, seems there only for rhyme's sake. Same problem with the last line, arriving at world peace with ease? Not in the world I see. Is it fun  to melt like butter in the sun? Think about what the words mean.

Im is always I'm (I am).  Although, because. Also, please give some thought to capitalization and punctuation, they should be conscious choices.

Here's a link to some Poetry Tips, keep at it!

[Smiley]

Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

Hi, Smiley, good to see you expanding your poetry. 

The first four lines have a pleasant, consistent meter but not much meaning for me. The meter seems to get more careless is the next four lines but not completely abandoned. Now you're expressing something even if it's a bit hokey. "That is my point that Is my goal" is just empty, seems there only for rhyme's sake. Same problem with the last line, arriving at world peace with ease? Not in the world I see. Is it fun  to melt like butter in the sun? Think about what the words mean.

Im is always I'm (I am).  Although, because. Also, please give some thought to capitalization and punctuation, they should be conscious choices.

Here's a link to some Poetry Tips, keep at it!

Hello 
Noted, thanks.

[milo]

Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

Hello

it is good to see you stretching your wings here and trying something new.  Meta poetry is difficult to pull off as who wants to read a poem about writing poetry although it has been done with some success.  

I think you feel like you have to have rhyme when you really do not.  It might be better to think of something else in the world that is also a challenge like writing poetry.  Now give me that image and let me figure out how it works for you.  Try to use other interesting words that refer back (or point) to your main metaphor (bridge metaphor)

Thanks

[Smiley]

1771621322[/url]']

1771540154[/url]']
Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

Hello

it is good to see you stretching your wings here and trying something new.  Meta poetry is difficult to pull off as who wants to read a poem about writing poetry although it has been done with some success.  

I think you feel like you have to have rhyme when you really do not.  It might be better to think of something else in the world that is also a challenge like writing poetry.  Now give me that image and let me figure out how it works for you.  Try to use other interesting words that refer back (or point) to your main metaphor (bridge metaphor)

Thanks

Hey Milo!

I like to rhyme 

[wasellajam]

I like to rhyme 

Hi again, Smiley. If you'd like to work on writing with rhyme I suggest spending some time in the Practice Threads. You'll find all different rhyme schemes and a plethora of poems where the rhyme is used so deftly you and I will never come close. But it's really fun to try. The rhyme doesn't call attention to itself, just subtly moves the poem along. Have a look.

[Smiley]

I like to rhyme 

Hi again, Smiley. If you'd like to work on writing with rhyme I suggest spending some time in the Practice Threads. You'll find all different rhyme schemes and a plethora of poems where the rhyme is used so deftly you and I will never come close. But it's really fun to try. The rhyme doesn't call attention to itself, just subtly moves the poem along. Have a look.

Hi!

Alright 

[milo]

1771621322[/url]']

1771540154[/url]']
Im sitting alone at home
Thinking of a poem
Tryin to come up with something good
I want to be understood
So I search I align and allow
For inspiration to come to me but i dont know how
Touching something sacred and reaching for the soul
That is my point that Is my goal

Not lonely thou i am alone
Cuz we are all connected we are all one
So lets get it good lets have some fun
And melt like butter in the sun
Create and share
About that which we care
Im thinking world peace
Arriving with ease

Hello

it is good to see you stretching your wings here and trying something new.  Meta poetry is difficult to pull off as who wants to read a poem about writing poetry although it has been done with some success.  

I think you feel like you have to have rhyme when you really do not.  It might be better to think of something else in the world that is also a challenge like writing poetry.  Now give me that image and let me figure out how it works for you.  Try to use other interesting words that refer back (or point) to your main metaphor (bridge metaphor)

Thanks

Hey Milo!

I like to rhyme 

I like rhyme a ton - I am one of its biggest modern poetry champions.  The reason I suggested not rhyming is because you are forcing it and it makes the poem read mawkish.  The other suggestion would be to study and do rhyme well and that takes a lot longer and is a lot harder.  An intermediate step might be a two prong approach - explore enhancing your poetry skills without the crutch of rhyme while you learn to do rhyme well and incorporate it as you get better.

[Smiley]

1771621322[/url]']

Hello

it is good to see you stretching your wings here and trying something new.  Meta poetry is difficult to pull off as who wants to read a poem about writing poetry although it has been done with some success.  

I think you feel like you have to have rhyme when you really do not.  It might be better to think of something else in the world that is also a challenge like writing poetry.  Now give me that image and let me figure out how it works for you.  Try to use other interesting words that refer back (or point) to your main metaphor (bridge metaphor)

Thanks

Hey Milo!

I like to rhyme 

I like rhyme a ton - I am one of its biggest modern poetry champions.  The reason I suggested not rhyming is because you are forcing it and it makes the poem read mawkish.  The other suggestion would be to study and do rhyme well and that takes a lot longer and is a lot harder.  An intermediate step might be a two prong approach - explore enhancing your poetry skills without the crutch of rhyme while you learn to do rhyme well and incorporate it as you get better.

Yeah, i hear you. I appreciate all of the advices i get on this forum but to be clear, im not going for being a champion myself. I just, like writing poems and i have found that its a special feeling finding others poetry that speaks to me personally.

---

And its kind of fun to get feedback from skilled people who know their stuff, but im not only after proffesional opinions.. i want to hear what everyone thinks.

[milo]

Hey Milo!

I like to rhyme 

I like rhyme a ton - I am one of its biggest modern poetry champions.  The reason I suggested not rhyming is because you are forcing it and it makes the poem read mawkish.  The other suggestion would be to study and do rhyme well and that takes a lot longer and is a lot harder.  An intermediate step might be a two prong approach - explore enhancing your poetry skills without the crutch of rhyme while you learn to do rhyme well and incorporate it as you get better.

Yeah, i hear you. I appreciate all of the advices i get on this forum but to be clear, im not going for being a champion myself. I just, like writing poems and i have found that its a special feeling finding others poetry that speaks to me personally.

---

And its kind of fun to get feedback from skilled people who know their stuff, but im not only after proffesional opinions.. i want to hear what everyone thinks.

you asked for feedback - I gave feedback - you don't ever have to do anything with it. Also, who do you think is a professional?

[Smiley]

1771693862[/url]']

1771693476[/url]']

1771679419[/url]']

I like rhyme a ton - I am one of its biggest modern poetry champions.  The reason I suggested not rhyming is because you are forcing it and it makes the poem read mawkish.  The other suggestion would be to study and do rhyme well and that takes a lot longer and is a lot harder.  An intermediate step might be a two prong approach - explore enhancing your poetry skills without the crutch of rhyme while you learn to do rhyme well and incorporate it as you get better.

Yeah, i hear you. I appreciate all of the advices i get on this forum but to be clear, im not going for being a champion myself. I just, like writing poems and i have found that its a special feeling finding others poetry that speaks to me personally.

---

And its kind of fun to get feedback from skilled people who know their stuff, but im not only after proffesional opinions.. i want to hear what everyone thinks.

you asked for feedback - I gave feedback - you don't ever have to do anything with it.  Also, who do you think is a professional?

Yes, and i appreciate it. Im just saying, dont expect to much from me. Who is a ”PRO”, it was mostly an expression defining someone who is really good att this.. someone like you as an example.

[milo]

1771693862[/url]']

1771693476[/url]']

Yeah, i hear you. I appreciate all of the advices i get on this forum but to be clear, im not going for being a champion myself. I just, like writing poems and i have found that its a special feeling finding others poetry that speaks to me personally.

---

And its kind of fun to get feedback from skilled people who know their stuff, but im not only after proffesional opinions.. i want to hear what everyone thinks.

you asked for feedback - I gave feedback - you don't ever have to do anything with it.  Also, who do you think is a professional?

Yes, and i appreciate it. Im just saying, dont expect to much from me. Who is a ”PRO”, it was mostly an expression defining someone who is really good att this.. someone like you as an example.

The only thing I expect from anyone on this site is that they are trying to get honest feedback.  I have seen much worse and I have seen people throw a fit once they realize that everyone didn't immediately love something they produced without any real work so you are doing fine.  Give yourself a break.  Just keep working at it - that's all the rest of us are doing.

[Smiley]

1771693862[/url]']

you asked for feedback - I gave feedback - you don't ever have to do anything with it.  Also, who do you think is a professional?

Yes, and i appreciate it. Im just saying, dont expect to much from me. Who is a ”PRO”, it was mostly an expression defining someone who is really good att this.. someone like you as an example.

The only thing I expect from anyone on this site is that they are trying to get honest feedback.  I have seen much worse and I have seen people throw a fit once they realize that everyone didn't immediately love something they produced without any real work so you are doing fine.  Give yourself a break.  Just keep working at it - that's all the rest of us are doing.

Sounds good, ill do that