Guggenheim and Pollock

[wasellajam]

Guggenheim and Pollock

Born into Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls,
weekend family pass to the city’s
Museum of Modern Art.
Giftshop colorwheels spinners

swirled layers of primaries shifted
endlessly, caught and released,
headwaters and destinations
blurred and fluid.
Only Pollock kept his distance.

A sunlit focaccia breakfast
in Peggy’s breezy sculpture garden
is a prelude to her palazzo
on Venice's Grand Canal.
Guggenheim’s New York ramps and open air
left me unprepared for Peggy’s focus.

Strolling the remnants of a life of choice,
the bric and brac of a well-loved home,
I pause and pause and pause,
at home with the crowded walls
allowing them to imprint.

Then ahead of me a long narrow
high-ceilinged room, one side hung
with a stretched row of huge canvasses.
As I walk the line I'm swimming
as everything I’ve ever felt surfaces,
a crest and dive from piece to piece,
at the end a life exhausted.

Peggy and Jackson in Venice (from NaPM)

My dad was Mr. Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls
with a family pass to New York's
Museum of Modern Art.

I grew up endlessly spinning
those gift shop color wheels,
accustomed to flying shapes
in the air, puzzling them together
then rearranging.
But I never got Pollock.
Just. Couldn't. Get it.

Then I visited Peggy, what she left.
Eating morning focaccia
in her sculpture garden in
preparation for her palazzo
on Venice's Grand Canal.

Still holding the remnants of a life of choice, clearly a home,
I pause and pause and pause,
at home with the covered walls
but all works new to me,
making sure to let them imprint.

Then ahead of me a long narrow
high-ceilinged room, one side hung
with a stretched row of huge canvasses.
As I walk the line I'm swimming in emotions, all of them, changing
from piece to piece, building,
piling on until by the end
I've lived it all.

Thanks, Peggy, for the gift of Jackson.

(NaPM)

[RiverNotch]

Guggenheim and Pollock


Born into Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls,
weekend family pass to the city’s
Museum of Modern Art.

I'd prefer a fuller sentence for this, just to be clearer:

(I) born into Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls
with a weekend pass to the city's
Museum of Modern Art.

Giftshop colorwheels spinners

swirled layers of primaries shifted
endlessly, caught and released,
headwaters and destinations
blurred and fluid.
Only Pollock kept his distance.

Lovely image, senseless sentence. Unsure how to correct---the earlier version is definitely too mechanical. Maybe:

(A) spinner of gift shop color wheels,
swirling layers of primaries that shifted
endlessly, I caught and released
headwaters and destinations
blurred and fluid,
only Pollock kept his distance.

A sunlit focaccia breakfast
in Peggy’s breezy sculpture garden
is a prelude to her palazzo
on Venice's Grand Canal. Kinda prefer the narrative clarity of the previous version, at least for this passage's start.

Then I visited Peggy, what she left,
a sunlit focaccia breakfast (surrounded by statues)
the prelude to her palazzo on the Canal---

Guggenheim’s New York ramps and open air
left me unprepared for Peggy’s focus. Maybe a little confusing, since Peggy's also a Guggenheim.

New York's ramps and open air
had left me unprepared.

Strolling the remnants of a life of choice,
the bric and brac of a well-loved home,
I pause and pause and pause,
at home with the crowded walls, Comma here.
allowing them to imprint.

Then ahead of me a long narrow
high-ceilinged room, one side hung
with a stretched row of huge canvasses.
As I walk the line I'm swimming
as everything I’ve ever felt surfaces, The two "as"s are a little clumsy.
a crest and dive from piece to piece,
at the end a life exhausted.

Maybe:

As I walk the line, I'm swimming,
and everything I've ever felt
crests and dives from piece to piece,
at the end a life exhausted.

The last two stanzas, though, they're a definite improvement from the earlier version.

[JohnS]

Guggenheim and Pollock

Born into Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls,
weekend family pass to the city’s
Museum of Modern Art.
Giftshop colorwheels spinners

swirled layers of primaries shifted
endlessly, caught and released,
headwaters and destinations
blurred and fluid.
Only Pollock kept his distance.

A sunlit focaccia breakfast
in Peggy’s breezy sculpture garden
is a prelude to her palazzo
on Venice's Grand Canal.
Guggenheim’s New York ramps and open air
left me unprepared for Peggy’s focus.

Strolling the remnants of a life of choice,
the bric and brac of a well-loved home,
I pause and pause and pause,
at home with the crowded walls
allowing them to imprint.

Then ahead of me a long narrow
high-ceilinged room, one side hung
with a stretched row of huge canvasses.
As I walk the line I'm swimming
as everything I’ve ever felt surfaces,
a crest and dive from piece to piece,
at the end a life exhausted.

Peggy and Jackson in Venice (from NaPM)

My dad was Mr. Midcentury Modern,
Danish furniture and art covered walls
with a family pass to New York's
Museum of Modern Art.      I like this version.

I grew up endlessly spinning
those gift shop color wheels,
accustomed to flying shapes
in the air, puzzling them together
then rearranging. 
But I never got Pollock.    But I didn't (couldn't) get Pollock. You will later.
Just. Couldn't. Get it.       I'd skip this.

Then I visited Peggy, what she left.
Eating morning focaccia
in her sculpture garden in
preparation for her palazzo
on Venice's Grand Canal.  Prefer the new version

Still holding the remnants of a life of choice, clearly a home,
I pause and pause and pause,
at home with the covered walls
but all works new to me,
making sure to let them imprint. Prefer the new version

Then ahead of me a long narrow
high-ceilinged room, one side hung
with a stretched row of huge canvasses.
As I walk the line I'm swimming in emotions, all of them, changing
from piece to piece, building,
piling on until by the end
I've lived it all.                           This version.

Thanks, Peggy, for the gift of Jackson.

(NaPM)

I preferred the first version with the exception of two stanzas. Can't really define why, it just feels more direct and personal. I've put a couple of comments on the first version.

[wasellajam]

River and John, thanks so much for taking your time with this. "Lovely image, senseless sentence." made me lol, thanks. I'll take some time with both critiques and both versions and see if I can come up with a better third.