Ash I Cross

[Deor Ana Log]

and through I glimpse                                  
there lies a wood
encroached in light
until the dawn

and moons do blow
one at a time
one, two, or five
into twilight

if loss be all
that life will cost
my youth be just
a road I crossed

to woods in snow,
saplings to ash
I am the road
lying so flat

[matsunosuperfan]

and through I glimpse                                  
there lies a wood
encroached in light
until the dawn

and moons do blow
one at a time
one, two, or five
into twilight

if loss be all
that life will cost
my youth be just
a road I crossed

to woods in snow,
saplings to ash
I am the road
lying so flat

Love the multiple moons that blow, a striking image. "encroached in light" is a toothy phrase I also enjoyed. 

The latter two stanzas fall a little flat for me. "If loss be all" feels so lugubrious, and the syntax is kinda dated. This is amplified by "my youth be just" -- subjunctive mood can feel ostentatious as it's rarely part of the contemporary vernacular as such. 

What if we try to make it a bit more directly discursive/conversational, for example: 

I crossed a road 
to woods in snow, saplings
turned to ash, 

and through a wood
encroached in light, moons
blow one at a time 

two or five 
into the twilight 
rounding into dawn. 

This life will cost 
another loss: youth
is just a road I crossed 

to woods in snow, saplings
to ash. I am the road 
laid flat.