By Bluegrass

[Deor Ana Log]

Nestled in freckles,
my pocket eyes are green
Mom told me, some colors
Are made for reading
not changing 
words
but I can’t help it,
but slip over pebbles
 like how that river
makes an ocean
by the tune of bluegrass

I was 5 years old once
I took a knife and was
an etch in a cedar sapling
Now I drag my pinky
In those ridges until
My hands realize
the nickname only
dad remembers

In green I spent
A lifetime
Or 5 minutes
Truth is a heartbeat
because turning 6 feels like 
the end
and an escape
that will never
ask you when

[CRNDLSM]

Nestled in freckles, I like this openings sonics 

my pocket eyes are green 'pocket eyes' is new to me

Mom told me, some colors

Are made for reading

The rules of the run-on hurts here,

a joker, (ones that don’t land)

I am that pouring river

by the tune of bluegrass

As ambiguous as it seems to here, I like the title here instead of specifying the tune, since it's by a river (sort of)

At every year old awkward

A school picture

is etched by me

Paged, printed, pinned,

‘Dean: The Mirror’

is who I am

more than

I brush thumbs through

lawngreen

rest then the back and forth with and without punctuation is jarring

on 88 keys, humming,

just one more harmony

Truth, it beats like

-hearts, jazz sonatas- not bluegrass?

I hear it now:

aged-up interludes, 

oceans under sand

and an escape 

that will never end oceans under sand is interesting

I feel like the centered formatting helps the content, but it seems a bit too haphazard, the font size change in the last stanza might be too small (I had to zoom in). This is in mild so I just want to point out some thing that trip me up. 'i am dean the mirror' makes me think of all the personalities I juggle (like a joker?) I'm not just a business man but all these things that I like and would rather spend my time with. The music and the river

Hope this helps! Thanks for posting

[Deor Ana Log]

I updated this poem to make it much more effective