To Do Lists are for Suckers

[brynmawr1]

To Do Lists are for Suckers
 
Sisyphus had it all wrong.
 
I’m thinking more Ophelia
tho’ less maudlin bobbing
within the wake of ferry
and Vaporina carrying
those with a penchant for moving.
 
Did I say “I” when I meant “he”
or “a man” or simply “someone” bobs
in the clear and temperate waters?
 
The only concern is the rapscallion
flip-flop of the right foot coming loose
repeatedly perhaps
to avoid the slime of a rocky bottom.
 
We are happy
swaddled in the bosom of Como
the horizon denied from Bellagio
to Varenna
 
where there is no future
only the now
of cloud capped peaks looming
 
as they have.

[wasellajam]

Hi, bryn, lovely, thanks for taking me on vacation with you, the mood comes through. Fun title, congrats on that! Some notes:

To Do Lists are for Suckers
 
Sisyphus had it all wrong. This opener goes well with the title. I'm ready for the poem to tell me how.
 
I’m thinking more Ophelia
tho’ less maudlin bobbing Yes to this line, made me smile.
within the wake of ferry Wake of ferry is awkward for me, maybe someone else will see the reason for it, I prefer ferry's wake.
and Vaporina carrying I never heard Vaporina before, lovely word.
those with a penchant for moving. Love this line, bobbing vs moving as an innate preference.
 
Did I say “I” when I meant “he”
or “a man” or simply “someone” bobs
in the clear and temperate waters?
I don't dislike this bit but don't get its use yet, I've only read a few times so maybe it will come.
 
The only concern is the rapscallion
flip-flop of the right foot coming loose Love the rapscallion flip-flop, "of the right foot" is awkward for me and I haven't gotten content from right instead of one. But this detail confirms the N's I, not he or the man.
repeatedly perhaps
to avoid the slime of a rocky bottom. So clear.
 
We are happy
swaddled in the bosom of Como
the horizon denied from Bellagio
to Varenna
 
where there is no future
only the now
of cloud capped peaks looming
 
as they have.
Ends with beautiful contentment, beats rolling that boulder up a hill by a mile.

Nice work, thanks for the read.

[brynmawr1]

Hi, bryn, lovely, thanks for taking me on vacation with you, the mood comes through. Fun title, congrats on that! Some notes:

To Do Lists are for Suckers
 
Sisyphus had it all wrong. This opener goes well with the title. I'm ready for the poem to tell me how.
 
I’m thinking more Ophelia
tho’ less maudlin bobbing Yes to this line, made me smile.
within the wake of ferry Wake of ferry is awkward for me, maybe someone else will see the reason for it, I prefer ferry's wake.
and Vaporina carrying I never heard Vaporina before, lovely word.
those with a penchant for moving. Love this line, bobbing vs moving as an innate preference.
 
Did I say “I” when I meant “he”
or “a man” or simply “someone” bobs
in the clear and temperate waters?
I don't dislike this bit but don't get its use yet, I've only read a few times so maybe it will come.
 
The only concern is the rapscallion
flip-flop of the right foot coming loose Love the rapscallion flip-flop, "of the right foot" is awkward for me and I haven't gotten content from right instead of one. But this detail confirms the N's I, not he or the man.
repeatedly perhaps
to avoid the slime of a rocky bottom. So clear.
 
We are happy
swaddled in the bosom of Como
the horizon denied from Bellagio
to Varenna
 
where there is no future
only the now
of cloud capped peaks looming
 
as they have.
Ends with beautiful contentment, beats rolling that boulder up a hill by a mile.

Nice work, thanks for the read.

Hi Ella,

thanks for reading and commenting.  I am glad that the title worked for you.  I find coming up with a good title to be the hardest part of the writing process.  I originally had a different ending that I was sort of aiming for but the poem to a little bit of a turn on me.  As far as S2, I knew it was a gamble as it isn't inherently clear how it fits in (well, it is to me obviously).  It is an attempted nod to the idea of losing oneself in the moment, especially when we've taken ourselves out of our normal life for a bit.
Take care,
Bryn

[busker]

I love this
I wish you’d posted it in Misc as I’m time poor atm
Even otherwise, I don’t feel the poem has enough scope for improvement. It’s a snapshot of a particular mood on a particular day, light hearted, nothing serious. Not much to dig into, which is fine.

I’d file it away as such.

[Luckieman]

"I find coming up with a good title to be the hardest part of the writing process."

Not all poems need titles. If a poem's self explanatory a title merely gives the game away in advance, which may weaken the reader's involvement or enjoyment (not all good poems are _enjoyable_). I know lots of pundits insist on titles, but I suspect that's mainly because it makes sorting competition entries easier. Just like poems themselves, if titles don't occur to me spontaneously I don't force them (but I practically never enter competitions - to me poetry is not an Olympic sport but a vocation). Personally I think this would work just the same without a title.