Figuring it out (v2)

[matsunosuperfan]

Figuring it out

I was a lonely child, my dreams were wild
and dangerous: I’d read a Ranger Rick
about Brazil, and wake up wrestling
a hungry anaconda for my life.

When other children found me odd, I took it
as a compliment—Hello, they’d say,
and I’d recite the phases of the moon
or list the pros and cons of having toes.

When I told them the truth, adults would stare
at me, then laugh, embarrassed to remember
how they used to live in trees, how they liked to feel
the wind reach out and snatch their breath away—at first,
I was ashamed. I had no word for it. Later, I would learn
to call this rush of joy a joke.

past versions
Figuring it out


I was a lonely child, my dreams were wild
and dangerous: I’d read a Ranger Rick
about Brazil, and wake up wrestling
a hungry anaconda for my life.
When other children found me odd, I took it
as a compliment—“Hello,” they’d say,
and I’d recite a fact about the moon
or list the pros and cons of having toes.
Adults, when I told them the truth, would stare
at me, then laugh—later, I would learn
to call this rush of joy a joke. 

[busker]

Figuring it out


I was a lonely child, my dreams were wild
and dangerous: I’d read a Ranger Rick
about Brazil, and wake up wrestling
a hungry anaconda for my life.
When other children found me odd, I took it
as a compliment—“Hello,” they’d say,
and I’d recite a fact about the moon
or list the pros and cons of having toes.
Adults, when I told them the truth, would stare
at me, then laugh—later, I would learn
to call this rush of joy a joke.

This looks like quite a few children I know 


Adults, when I told them the truth, would stare
at me, then laugh—later, I would learn
to call this rush of joy a joke.


Children are all truth tellers, and therefore embarrassing. This third remembered factoid about N’s childhood is less unique than the first two. In fact, it’s so universal that it’s confusing as to why it’s mentioned at all. But of course it’s a setup for the last line. And it works in isolation. But read with the earlier parts of the poem, it does come across as a bit self indulgent and  whiny.

[robdaley]

Hi,

Figuring it out 
>I like the title, it what kids spend their childhood doing

I was a lonely child, my dreams were wild    
>nice internal rhyme with child and wild

and dangerous: I’d read a Ranger Rick
about Brazil, and wake up wrestling
a hungry anaconda for my life.
>This example leans on wild and dangerous nicely

When other children found me odd, I took it
as a compliment—“Hello,” they’d say,
and I’d recite a fact about the moon
or list the pros and cons of having toes.
>I particularly like the line about the toes. I go back to the fight with the anaconda which has no toes

Adults, when I told them the truth, would stare
at me, then laugh—later, I would learn
to call this rush of joy a joke.
>Children make adults laugh with their truthfulness. That the boy is joking at the end feels resolved.

Thanks for the read, Rob