I Was Fed To You

[robdaley]

The rat hangs
frozen-twisted, limbs
rake its spectral face.
The python flexed
flicks its tongue.
Sudden as the charge
of attraction, supple jaws
like a wet glove
inching over a hand,
the trap recoils.
Its formless pulp
yields to dissolution.
In this manner
of absolute surrender
we bodied into one;
a true tail of love.

[matsunosuperfan]

The rat hangs
frozen-twisted, limbs
rake its spectral face.
The python flexed
flicks its tongue.
Sudden as the charge
of attraction, supple jaws
like a wet glove
inching over a hand,
the trap recoils.
Its formless pulp
yields to dissolution.
In this manner
of absolute surrender
we bodied into one;
a true tail of love.

some good language-making that lacks a motivating end

I think one zhuzhed-up "the blank blanks" declarative is enough; I could go with the first 3 lines (despite being annoyed and distracted by the flowery "spectral") but to do it again in the next 2 made me want to stop reading. 

dislike "sudden as the charge of attraction" which feels overcooked/too on the nose

the word "supple" should be forbidden forever!

wet glove inching is great, fantastic image

formless pulp yields to dissolution = booo you gotta get out of this highfalutin Latinate register, it's no good 

not sure if ending is ironic or earnest but either way I did not connect with either gesture or language there

interested in the occasion, need the poem to give me more reason to be invested in it, and more of the vivid scene this speaker is sometimes capable of - less boring editorial

[robdaley]

Thank you Matsuno. Much to ponder  Rob