Haiku:

[billy]

At my feet a lark
fell during summer thunder-
I almost shat myself.

[popeye]

lol, the things one does for a lark, cheers billy

[billy]

welcome

[heslopian]

This will probably sound ridiculous, but to me the word "shat" feels too much like literary technique. It's slang, which puts it not a million miles away from metaphor. I think "shit" would sound better. The enjambment could also be changed to this:

"At my feet a lark.
It fell during summer thunder."

Overall though this is a funny and imaginative piece. I like the intrusion of narrative voice, adding humour to what is quite a tragic image. Thanks for the read, Bilbo

[grannyjill]

That makes the haiku

5, 8, ....

you can't have 'I almost shit myself' 'cos that's the present tense and so 'shat' is correct - personally I don't use that version of the past tense of 'shit' I always use the more refined - 'shitted'

[billy]

That makes the haiku

5, 8, ....

you can't have 'I almost shit myself' 'cos that's the present tense and so 'shat' is correct - personally I don't use that version of the past tense of 'shit' I always use the more refined - 'shitted'

a person who knows the difference between shit and shat is a ok in my book

as for the 575 format. in truth it's a guideline. as long as it can be said in a normal breath is how the japenese form was used. it was easier for the west to say 575 sylls somehow it sort of became a bit too fast.

A bee by Matsuo Basho

A bee
staggers out
of the peony.

some more by basho.

[billy]

This will probably sound ridiculous, but to me the word "shat" feels too much like literary technique. It's slang, which puts it not a million miles away from metaphor. I think "shit" would sound better. The enjambment could also be changed to this:

"At my feet a lark.
It fell during summer thunder."

Overall though this is a funny and imaginative piece. I like the intrusion of narrative voice, adding humour to what is quite a tragic image. Thanks for the read, Bilbo

slang isn't metaphor. it's often a colloquialism, a word used in a certain area. in machester we would say, he shat his pants. we also say i shit myself or shat myself.

poets in japan used japanese words that meant something to them.
it's like crapping crapped or crap, which are also derivities of shit shite shat and shitted.

about the 'it' while the 575 syl isn't sacred, an it i think would be extraneous.

i could have wrote;

a lark
fell during summer thunder
i shat myself

[heslopian]

I warned you it would probably sound ridiculous Thanks for explaining, Billy. I may see if I can use slang in my next haiku.

[grannyjill]

written...tut, tut

(sorry, I am beginning to feel like a pedantic policeman patrolling the postings)

for a brief moment I had a flash of this poor bee crawling out of a horse's bottom...then I managed to focus my eyes properly...well it is early morning here in downtown UK

[heslopian]

some more by basho.

The links on that Basho page lead to the old site

[rayheinrich]

the new year's sky
empty
i wish for larks


above my head
a lark shats himself
spring apparel


at my ear
a lark farts
summer thunder


the leaves fly
the lark leaves
must shat alone


winter's white
-
lark's shat

[billy]

some more by basho.

The links on that Basho page lead to the old site

give that one a try. we're still getting crossovers from the other site

the shat seems to have it the fan

[heslopian]

That link is the same. It directs you to the contents page, but when I try and click on a linked poem, like "First winter rain," it takes you to the old site.
Also, did you mean to leave this comment on your "Haiku:"? I've just noticed this is Heinrich's thread.

[Erthona]

On-On

Although somewhat back in this already old thread, Billy makes an excellent point about Haiku and syllable count. In Japanese it is 5-7-5 "on" which has nothing comparable in English. The other noticeable difference is that Haiku is a vertical visual art as much as it is poetry. Due to isolation and emphasis on racial purity, thus a specific and common history and culture, Japanese can convey several times what English can in the same amount of space.

Plus as this pokes fun at human foibles it is more in line with Senryu, especially as it does not include a kireji.

Dale

[heslopian]

Ah, just seen that this is the second page of Billy's thread. My mistake

[billy]

bugger me,
i see what you me about the links jack,

it seems addy has a crap load of work to do

till then we'll have to do manual searches for stuff in that section. i'll pm her about it or just ring her up when it's morning time over there.