MONOTONY

[Leanne]

Hello there, and welcome! I really enjoyed the repetition and matter-of-factness of the stanzas here, right up until the last one, which seems pretty unnecessary to me as it's obvious what you're doing. Still, it's not a cliche as you've approached a seemingly overdone subject in quite an interesting and fresh way. Thanks for posting

[Wildcard]

Hi Daw,
Despite your assurances that you lack skill, you have displayed a lot of it. I smiled as I read your poem and was glad at the end that you didn't wish to include the last stanza- good choice. Your work is very fresh and whether you meant it or not, the title is a punch line and justifies the refrain though it doesn't need it.

Glad to see you posting and don't be shy about giving your thoughts on others work. It will be greatly appreciated. Again, welcome to The Pig Pen

[grannyjill]

Hi Daw,

Nice to see you! This so reminds me of poem I wrote many years ago....(I must find it out and post it so you can see - great minds think alike)

I like the repetition of your verses, as that shows the true monotony of the treadmill, and the use of 'and' at the end of lines, adds to that. I agree with Leanne and Mark on the last verse being unnecessary. You could try a re-write, though omitting it entirely does work well.

tussle
ps - I will post my poem, and then you can have a go at doing a critique....I don't bite so you can say whatever you like! Obviously, if you'd rather not...that's okay, too.