kiwi dreaming

[popeye]

land of long white cloud,
volcano, boiling mud spring,
kiwi dreaming shroud!

[billy]

sounds like it could be Krakatoa. though it's new zealand.
you could knock a few chips off it and make it tighter.

[popeye]

Thanks billy for the crit and comment, sorry to be late with the reply, been busy in my other life then forgot that i'd written it, lol, cheers mate!

Thank you Serah for your kind comments, it felt a bit bare without any rhyme, Cheers!

[billy]

it happens

[addy]

I really like the imagery you chose... "long white cloud", and "boiling mud"; the phrases have such a unique character to them. Great job with this one

[popeye]

Thanks for the comment addy, glad you liked it, cheers!

[billy]

where is the seasonal word within the (senryu)

[popeye]

Didn't know that there had to be one mate!

[billy]

pretty much so. if it's haiku or senryu

i think there's a section on the format at the top of the haiku forum.
that said we can't hang people for it.