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04-09-2012, 12:19 AM
Long future makes new twists and turns
She curses curves then sits
Increasing daily loosing folds
Where indemnity would sit
Yesterday was here today
Tomorrows’ on his way
The day before is never more
Don’t ask for recompense
Next year had planned for everything
Hear history groan and turn
We spent him in a hasty way
And salt is all we earned.
I feel better now.
must do one a day Alll april but I already done one today , so this is a spare

love spares [/font]
Perfection changes with the light and light goes on for infinity ~~~Bronte
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(04-09-2012, 12:19 AM)Bronte Wrote: Long future makes new twists and turns
She curses curves then sits -- love this, since in my head it sounds like "cursive" and turns the whole thing into a letter, which is possibly (as it often is) just me, but it does affect my reading
Increasing daily loosing folds -- loosening?
Where indemnity would sit -- not at all keen on two uses of "sit" in a single stanza, it's not a strong enough word to pull it off -- though you could use "stand" as a point of difference
Yesterday was here today
Tomorrows’ on his way -- tomorrow's
The day before is never more
Don’t ask for recompense -- very cool stanza
Next year had planned for everything
Hear history groan and turn -- for the sake of rhythm, I'd suggest something like "History, he groans and turns"
We spent him in a hasty way
And salt is all we earned.
It could be worse
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Love the philosophy Bronte, indeed what do we end up with, Karma perhaps! Thanks for the read, cheers!
Oh what a wicket web we weave!
Posts: 42
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BUT BUT!! sit has that lovely sharp sound, almost a stab in the back that stops you dead! BUT I never noticed I'd used it twice. this was a run up to the poem I wrote after.
I posted number nine today , I wonder what tomorrow will bring. meanwhile I need to sharpen my tongue get it in the grove so to say!
I need to get back to my new book. that I will never finish on the page because I get to see ity all in my head. the last one was good. this new one is better. yes Speliberg would love it . did I spell his name right! shrug! lets call him smith instead --
here you might relate to this one more . look out for snakes..~~~ lol
SIX 7th april 2012 at 3.00pm
Old Homes Old bones
It really needs some dusting done
the fabrics just a shade of gray
faded in three folds undone
exposed to light of day
the rug is worn along the hall
just sacking held with thread
the leadlight beckons every eye
where visitor needs are fed.
that chair in which you wait is old
they bought it in the war
from one old lady whom they loved
who’d loved it years before
the hallstands stood the test of time
its glass still takes and keeps
reflections of all smiles that shine and them
who could not weep.
today it took my look and left
this stoic willful child
who once remembered leaving here
as a bramble budding wild~~
~~~love joan ~~ I'm not relly happy with the start of the last line
Perfection changes with the light and light goes on for infinity ~~~Bronte