Far

[Wildcard]

i

would be best, we figured.
We plodded past our innocence
like going to the principal's office,
bellies full of heat.

A broth-colored breast peeked
now and again
symbolizing the quest
for me;
but she had her own reasons
I would imagine.

We never wanted to stop walking,
but then one of us did,
so I took my pants off
staring blankly at pimples and curly hairs
while unfastening buttons like a zombie-
eyes fixed.

I broke a sweat and she held on with her nails
digging into each other-
bringing blood.

ii

I cried about a dream last night
because it wasn't real

[abu nuwas]

Don't worry, Mark, the time will come. It's quite normal. Many men do not have their first sexual experience untill they are in their forties!

You paint cameos v well. The only bit I wondered about was 'I would imagine'. The fun of it is in its hum-drum nature, yet this seems as though in does need saying, but not in quite that way. Is this constructive, or negative? Or 'Po- between yes and no?'

[billy]

hehe so he's still a virgin then

i enjoyed the pimply innocence of it all.

[Wildcard]

Don't worry, Mark, the time will come. It's quite normal. Many men do not have their first sexual experience untill they are in their forties!

Har har . . . this is first-person but not personal.

You paint cameos v well. The only bit I wondered about was 'I would imagine'. The fun of it is in its hum-drum nature, yet this seems as though in does need saying, but not in quite that way. Is this constructive, or negative? Or 'Po- between yes and no?'

If you could give me a suggested replacement . . . I'm open to what your saying, but don't quite understand it.

Thanks for the yuks :p

hehe so he's still a virgin then

i enjoyed the pimply innocence of it all.

Come and see me in the sewer for a real honest reply

Thanks, Billy.

[addy]

You painted a very nice tableau here. Personally I liked the addition of "I would imagine".... that, as well as the principal's office line and the line about the pimples, hints at the narrator's youth; females are largely a mystery, and their motivations even more so. It is blind, uncertain exploration on both sides.

The "bringing blood" line was unexpected, my first hint that there may be some darker things beneath the surface, not just an awkward first time scene. Enjoyed this poem overall

[Wildcard]

You painted a very nice tableau here. Personally I liked the addition of "I would imagine".... that, as well as the principal's office line and the line about the pimples, hints at the narrator's youth; females are largely a mystery, and their motivations even more so. It is blind, uncertain exploration on both sides.
The "bringing blood" line was unexpected, my first hint that there may be some darker things beneath the surface, not just an awkward first time scene. Enjoyed this poem overall

Thanks a lot, Addy. I really wanted this to be a stark look into a moment that impressed the narrator for his entire life. The blood is a part of the striking images I imagine must stick with someone.

[arbil_poieo]

I don't know what I like more, the poem or the comments.

[billy]

this is one of those less than normal formal forums such as serious etc,

[Wildcard]

Yes this is the place you post a poem when you want people to comment about anything other than the errors in your work :p

[arbil_poieo]

lol, I really like the sense of humor. I couldn't stop laughing from your poem then I looked at all the comments and it really made my day.

[Erthona]

wet dream?


dale

[billy]

i like it's loss of virginity.