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Ivy Soda Am Bad - Ah Hi Cue!
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05-05-2012, 10:05 AM
Ivy soda am bad. 5 Hi cue, it strew, ah-so true. 7 Ivy soda am bad! 5 © -Erthona
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. 
05-05-2012, 11:08 AM
Is ivy soda like figjam?
 I guess you have to elide soda-am to make 5, unless you're a poet and can manipulate numbers creatively...
It could be worse
05-05-2012, 11:21 AM
(05-05-2012, 10:05 AM)Erthona Wrote: Ivy soda am bad. 5 I've been looking at this so confused, and I think I just got it. I be so damn bad Haiku, it's true, ah so true I be so damn bad
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche
05-06-2012, 07:06 AM
That would be correct! Congrats!
when translated it fits the syllable count  dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
05-06-2012, 09:04 AM
(05-06-2012, 07:06 AM)Erthona Wrote: That would be correct! Congrats! yay, cool. It had me stumped until I looked at the individual sounds, and then it all made sense.
"Poets are shameless with their experiences: they exploit them." - Friedrich Nietzsche
as it does when it isn't translated
if you want to say bacon in jamaican. it's beer can. sore finger, is salt and vinegar in chinese it's not really a translation problem though, more a difflent kind of rinristlical ploblem with germans it's the w that sounds wobbly but back to the haiku...it isn't one, it has two cutting points and no seasonal word, it's also not about a single moment/image. it probably resides more in the senryu. i did enjoy it it could have been the first two lines of a renku if you lost the 3rd line.
05-06-2012, 12:42 PM
"but back to the haiku...it isn't one, it has two cutting points and no seasonal word, it's also not about a single moment/image. it probably resides more in the senryu."
True, if this were a serious attempt at a Haiku instead of a satirical poke at the whole idea of Haiku in English. --------------------------------------------------------- " it's not really a translation problem" technically it is a phonemerpretation within an idiomatic milieu problem, although I think you are imposing a limitation on the word "translate" which doesn't actually exists However, I am glad you enjoyed it. ----------------------------------------------------- If I lost the third line, it would lose its sublime redundancy! Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
05-06-2012, 11:09 PM
the thing is, the western haiku while different than the japanese has become a form in in it's own right.
isn't that how poetic form gets established. we steal and adapt. i wonder what a japanese sonnet would look like ?
05-07-2012, 01:53 PM
I have no problems with creating a new form, I have problems with trying to legitimize the form by appealing to it's supposed origins when at best there is only a superficial resemblance, or simply imposing it ad hoc. I think a form has to show legitimacy in relation to the language, in this case English, which has not historically fit well to small forms. I have yet to see anyone make a good case for such a form, nor have I seen a good example of it, and I have yet to see any profundity despite all the haughty arrogance of some of those who champion it. The sonnet, which is a borrowed form, took hundreds of years to produce good examples, and it is still to this day a difficult form due to the syntactical difficulties of writing in iambic pentameter (avoiding, what I have heard referred to as Yoda speech). Generally it is not a form quickly or easily handled owing to its foreign roots, although one cannot deny it has a place in English poetry owing to the extreme influence of Old French (Norman French 1066 CE) on the English language. English is neither a metrical or a syllabic language, but an accentual one, so I think one has quite a challenge at hand to justify why a short syllabic form is a good idea for English poetry.
"i wonder what a Japanese sonnet would look like ?" As there is no such thing as iambic pentameter in Japanese, and I have no idea if rhyme makes any sense in the language, I would suppose it would look like what a haiku looks like in English, in the case of the sonnet, fourteen lines that are composed of 5 "on" each. Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
05-07-2012, 02:20 PM
i'll rephrase it, how would a japanese poet attack a sonnet? (write, not kill one)
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