I Hate Her:

[billy]

2nd edit:

My pug bit the wife

She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down

1st edit:


My dog bit the wife
She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down.

Original:

My dog bit the wife
It might have caught rabies-
I had it put down.

[billy]

it was the dog i had put down

[Philatone]

Well played, sir. This is great

[abu nuwas]

You are a braver man tham me, Billy! That's the trouble with ambiguity.....

[billy]

ambiguity makes the world go stop

[Erthona]

I think it would be better like

My dog bit the wife
She might have caught rabies-
I had her put down.

Old Redd Foxx joke:

What's the difference between a lion and a vagina?

A lion is a pussy that eats people...

don't know why that came to mind!

[billy]

i was going to do;

My dog bit the wife
She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down.

i wasn't really but do now call this the
1st edit.

[stb1931]

Fantastic!... not the putting down the dog, the poem

[SimikPK]

1st edit:
My dog bit the wife
She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down.

The strongest point of this poem is its lenght. That´s what I love about short poems - there is little (but often still much ) which can go wrong. The ambiguous "she" in line 2 does all the good work. Using "the wife" instead of "my wife" to me works as a suggestion of the not-so-good relationship with "the wife" and being where it is - end of a line 1, the line being line 1, makes an excellent introduction and interpretation key to the whole poem. What about naming a specific breed of the dog? It might convey something more, but also could divert the attention from the main (and single) point of the poem. Don´t know, just an idea.

Fantastic!... not the putting down the dog, the poem

Do you think it reffered to the dog who was put down? It is edited now, but still.. consider.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hi Billy. 
The original was clever and snide. Loved it. Well done. 
The edit is beautiful. Layered and evocative (without losing clever and snide). Amazing how a sounding board like this forum can transform an idea into a really great piece. So thank you twice. Love it.
If I were to ask a question, I wonder if the poem might have outgrown the title. It felt ideal for the original, but maybe too "small" for the edit.
Paul  

[billy]

thanks for the feedback Simik, i will give the dogs breed in a quick edit. [i used (pug) as the breed in order to keep it balanced syllable -wise]
thanks


tiger, i only put a title up as an extra line and actually thought about removing it completely. it's not a haiku or senryu so maybe it needs a title, i'm not sure; anyone can feel free to leave suggestions or play witt the wording. or even create a completely different one of their own.

[SimikPK]

thanks for the feedback Simik, i will give the dogs breed in a quick edit. [i used (pug) as the breed in order to keep it balanced syllable -wise]
thanks


tiger, i only put a title up as an extra line and actually thought about removing it completely. it's not a haiku or senryu so maybe it needs a title, i'm not sure; anyone can feel free to leave suggestions or play witt the wording. or even create a completely different one of their own.

I agree with tiger, the poem is much too great for such a title

[vagabond]

reminds me of a joke, too

a man carrying a sheep enters the bedroom where his wife is waiting
- " this is the pig i have been fucking all the time".
- " it´a a sheep, not a pig, you idiot" she answers
- sais he " who´s talking to you?"

(sorry for that shit)

[paranoid marvin]

to create a little more ambiguity , how about


My pug bit the wife

She might have caught rabies-
I put the bitch down

[billy]

it works but more on the side of the pug. i was trying to make it more about the wife. thanks for the feedback

[azure]

2nd edit:

My pug bit the wife

She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down

1st edit:


My dog bit the wife
She might have caught rabies-
I put them both down.

Original:

My dog bit the wife
It might have caught rabies-
I had it put down.

Billy this made me piss my pants. The last edit is fantastic. Can't make my brain formulate critique... Me like!

[bgre9184]

Haha short with a punch. Maybe add "I'll miss that dog" at the end. Leave the readers to decide if it was referring to the pit or wife.

[Voker101]

Like someone stated earlier, it would add even more ambiguity to reform the last line with " I put the bitch down". Assuming that you don't have a problem with profanity that is. I personally just don't like the 2nd edit's last line because it removes that ambiguity. Unless I'm missing something...but great poem lol definitely one to remember.

[alatos]

This is great. I think you should keep the wording as is. Some suggested "put the bitch down," or "I'll miss that dog" or something, but I think that those additions would only dull the poem or weigh it down. It has great zing. My one suggestion would be to maybe remove the hyphen? For me, at least, it was more of a distraction in an otherwise unpunctuated poem.

[amiwrite]

Haha short with a punch. Maybe add "I'll miss that dog" at the end. Leave the readers to decide if it was referring to the pit or wife.

I agree with this, maybe to clarify you could add something about the dog at the end. Nonetheless, this is humorous and well thought out.